


Fools Rush In

by Somekindofflower



Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bedsharing, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Las Vegas, Mentions of Abby/Carter, Mild Smut, Sexual Tension, TV Tropes, and Luka's whole sexual crisis in S9, fast burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2020-04-06 09:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19059562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somekindofflower/pseuds/Somekindofflower
Summary: Canon divergence from 9x17 on.After the proposal that wasn't in 9x16, Abby and Carter broke up. Three weeks later, she's preparing to head on the Vegas trip offered to County employees with Susan and Jing-Mei, when a last minute switch occurs. Jing-Mei can't go and Luka is taking her place. So much for a low-key vacation with the girls.Luka's a hot mess and Abby's a bit of a mess herself, and they're going to make some more hot messes along the way. And it's Vegas, so...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those AU ideas that I know would never actually happen, and I just. don't. care. It hit me and had to be written. It avoids the extremely drawn-out Carby breakup and shoves these two back together sooner, which pleases me and hopefully you. 
> 
> Rated M mostly for safety--I plan on fade to black, but these two even just have thoughts that are quite thirsty, so light M it is.

Abby wrinkles her nose at the old skim milk she finds in the back of her fridge. She dumps it, gagging a little.

She had thought she’d cleaned out every last nook and cranny to rid her apartment of Carter’s presence, but she’d missed this one. Last week that would have hurt, the week before it would have made her cry, but now that three weeks have passed since the aborted proposal that became a breakup, there’s just a small twinge.

It’s not even about missing him anymore. The hurt that won’t go away is that he had looked at her, considered marrying her and having kids with her, and went “nah, not good enough”.

So she isn’t brokenhearted, but maybe she’s kind of bitter. It works for her.

The drinking is a bad idea, yeah, but did he have to make her feel so shitty over it? He’s an addict too, he should get it, not be an ass who makes it about him.

She double checks that she has all her essentials in her carry-on and lashes it to her rolling suitcase before dragging it behind her. Hopefully it will fit in her locker. Maybe Frank can lock it in a closet or something.

Work is fine for the most part, she and Carter are keeping it strictly business. Word must have gotten around, as it always does, but so far only Susan and Chuny have said anything about it. So Frank must not have gotten the memo yet, or he’s showing a heretofore unprecedented amount of tact.

It’s kind of lonely not having Carter to share inside jokes and flirtations with, like they had while they were dating or even before, but she’s filling the void by leaning into the friendships she’s neglected. Susan and Jing-Mei have both been kind and chatty without interrogating her, despite their own friendships with Carter, and Chuny let her know she has her back.

Luka and she even chat while she’s waiting for an ambulance. He teases her about becoming a health nut and it feels a little like old times. It’s been too long since she’s seen him smile. Their friendship had been sacrificed on the altar of making things work with Carter, and she doesn’t know quite how to get it back. She misses him and his friendship, but it’s delicate because he’s…a hot mess, and she’s not sure she didn’t contribute to that. He seems to be a little better recently, but the fact that she overheard him cancelling his required therapy yet again makes her nervous. Weaver doesn’t want to fire him, but it doesn’t mean she won’t. The old urge is back—not that it ever really disappeared—to help him, but he’s never wanted her help before. And what if he takes it as _her_ trying to change _him_? Knowing how much that hurts, she doesn’t dare risk it.

There’s some new sort of drama going on with Weaver and Susan about the alderman’s clerk or whatever he was, but when Susan sees her about 6:50, she perks up and mouths “Ten minutes!” She can’t wait, seriously. Gambling isn’t really her thing, but she can play the slots and sitting by the pool will be nice for a change. It’s her first vacation in a long time that won’t be spent dealing with her crazy family.

“So you’re really going on this Vegas trip?” Yay. Carter’s here. Is she imagining the judgment in his tone because she expects it to be there?

“Yep. Here.” Abby hands him the patient chart.

“Do you want a ride to the airport?”

Not even a little bit. “Susan and I are sharing a cab.”

“Okay, have a good trip and don’t…just…have a good trip.”

Carter doesn’t say it, but he knows that SHE knows what he was going to say. She hates how he does that. The urge to explain herself, to tell him how she’s talked to Janet nearly every day since the split, how she’s been to several meetings and how she’s already bound and determined to make it through this trip without drinking a drop hits her hard, but she chokes it down. He isn’t owed an explanation now, if he ever was.

Instead, she forces a half-smile and heads toward the lounge. “Bye,” she calls over her shoulder, without looking back.

For the first time in a long time after one of those talks, Abby doesn’t feel guilty and she doesn’t feel pulled down by the weight of his expectations. She feels free.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Susan makes it halfway through their cab ride to O’Hare by bubbling about the trip and how great it will be to sunbathe by the pool before she asks how Abby is feeling about the breakup. Abby wants to shrug it off, but it’s nice to have someone give a crap and they are about to spend a week together, so, what the hell?

“I’m fine.” At Susan’s look, she elaborates. “No, really, I am fine. It has been three weeks, and I’m okay. I’m more disappointed in both of us that we kept trying to make it something it wasn’t and that it might mean we can’t be friends again than I am that it’s over.”

“I thought you guys were going to be alright but, yeah, I could see you two were trying but not really happy.”

A pang twists in her chest as she thinks back to Christmas and Luka’s “You don’t look happy.” He’d seen it before anyone, including herself. Why is he the one who sees it? How can she return that favor? While she didn’t welcome that intrusive thought at the time, she and Carter would have had a miserable marriage, if they even made it that far. It was a lucky escape, truly.

“Yeah. I got tired of Carter wanting me to be someone I’m not and Carter got tired of pretending I was who he wanted. We built our expectations up too high ahead of time—should’ve just stayed friends.”

Susan winces and Abby hopes she doesn’t feel like she’s thrust in the middle, but she DID ask.

They’re strolling through O’Hare, almost to their gate when Susan drops a bomb.

“I feel really bad that Jing-Mei has to miss this. She’s probably going to be fine tomorrow and then she’ll hate that she couldn’t go.”

“What? What happened?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear? She came down with a stomach bug yesterday and she had to bow out. That’s why she missed her shift today.”

“I thought she switched to be well-rested or something. That sucks.”

If her next, slightly uncharitable thought is that maybe she can steal Jing-Mei’s room instead of sharing with Susan, well, at least she doesn’t say it aloud.

They find two seats in the waiting area and Abby starts eying the coffee kiosk when she sees they have some time before the plane will board.

“So if you didn’t know about Jing-Mei, I guess you don’t know that Luka’s coming?”

“What?!” She winces at how squeaky that came out.

“Yeah, I don’t know what happened, but he’s taking her spot.”

Before she can get her mind around it, a familiar voice chimes in behind her.

“Weaver’s making me go. Since she can’t get my ass to therapy, she’s sending it to Skin City.”

Ah, she’s missed that. “Sin City.”

“Though skin isn’t wrong. Maybe she’s hoping you’ll run off with a hooker.”

Susan interjects, giving him a pointed look and Abby longs to call her off, but Luka looks a little chagrined and simply takes it. Somehow it’s worse than if he got offended.

“Want any coffee?” He asks them both.

“Nah, I want to sleep at some point tonight.” Susan plops down into one of the vinyl seats.

“Yeah. I’ll come with you.”

As they’re waiting, she decides there’s no time like the present to try to mend a friendship.

“You shouldn’t take it so personally, she’s just concerned about you.”

“Who, Susan?”

“Well, Weaver, but Susan too. We all want you to be okay.”

“I’m fine,” he says, and she’s not buying it. “How are _you_ doing?”

She can’t help but chuckle at him. “Just when I’d been appreciating that you haven’t asked…”

He winces a little. “Sorry.”

“I really am alright. I’m glad we put it out of its misery. It was doomed from the start. It’s much better to find out now than getting ready to walk down the aisle.”

He goes rigid, and it’s her turn to wince as she realizes he hadn’t heard that part of the story. Luka’s never exactly up on the gossip. She casts wildly around for something to say.

“You’re not actually planning to run off with a hooker, are you?”

His face goes red then. Wait, is he…he can’t be planning on that, can he? As if he’d ever have to pay for sex, _look_ at him. Okay, that’s so not a helpful train of thought.

Is it embarrassing him because she’s the one asking? She knows he said he missed her at Christmas, but he was drunk. Lord knows she’s said plenty of things she didn’t mean while she was drinking, or at least that’s how she lived with not questioning that conversation too much. That doesn’t say such great things about her, and she thinks anew how many regrets she has from the past year.

Recovering admirably, he smirks a little. “No promises.”

It’s their turn to order, and she pays before he can, laughing off his annoyed huff as they head back to the gate. “You can get the next one.”

A couple steps later, she realizes he’s stopped, and she looks back to see him staring at the ground.

“Luka?”

His look is so desperate when he turns to her that she very nearly hugs him as a reflex.

“There’s a next one?”

That sad puppy look never fails to break her heart, and it’s over just the idea of having coffee with her. Worst friend in the world: Abby Lockhart, ladies and gentlemen.

“Yes, and you’re buying, so make it a nice one.”

She bumps her shoulder against his arm, and the contact jostles him out of his fog.

As soon as they get back to their gate, their flight starts boarding.

“Oh no, are you in Jing-Mei’s seat?”

“Yep,” Luka says drily. He always tries to book at least business class—coach seats are not made for people his size.

“Maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll let you switch seats.” Abby suggests, though she doubts it, the seating area is packed. Luka grimaces and gets in line. Susan and Abby have to wait for the next boarding group.

Susan snorts and nudges Abby, pointing to a flight attendant that Luka’s now talking to. A pretty, young, blonde flight attendant, who is eying Luka up and down like he’s fresh meat.

“I don’t think he’s going to have trouble switching that seat.”

She can’t help but agree with Susan.

Abby rolls her eyes when they get on and find Luka in the front seat of coach. So, still coach, but it’s got slightly more leg room. The flight attendant with the blonde curls is bending down to offer “Any other assistance you could _possibly_ need, sir,” which apparently means shoving her boobs into his face and blocking the aisle to other passengers.

“Excuse us,” Susan says faux-sweetly, getting a begrudging “oh, excuse me” in return. Instead of leaving, the girl shoves herself into Luka’s row, into his legs. After a moment of waiting to see if she’ll head on down the aisle, Susan and Abby bowl their way past, but Luka grabs Abby’s arm.

“Can we get that coffee tonight?”

Wow, okay. Maybe he just wants her to save him. His look is pleading, though, and she nods before leaning down to his ear.

“As long as you don’t get abducted by the Mile High Club along the way.”

“Okay….”

She and Susan take their seats a few rows back and, ugh, Abby gets the middle seat next to a chatty clerk from City Hall. They won’t even be able to have a conversation with the way this guy is carrying on.

Luka’s voice floats back to her, far too loud, as he asks his seatmate now that the attendant has presumably moved on to do her job, “What’s the Mile High Club?”

Susan cracks up as Abby hides her face in her hand.

“Abby! What the—“ He’s turned around in his seat to look at her. ”

She lifts her hands in innocence. “Just teasing.” There’s a twinkle of humor in his face, but less than it warrants in her humble opinion, and it occurs to her that he might think she was accusing him. A lot of that’s been floating around County lately, so it’s a valid concern on his part. Damn.

It’s not like she can yell that up the aisle of an aircraft, though, and as she starts to make her way up there, she’s shouted down.

“Ma’am, be seated!” The vitriol in the tone makes Abby plant her butt before she even notices it’s the same flight attendant, now giving her the stink-eye from the back of the plane. Luka gives her a guilty smile before turning and seating himself.

It’s a long four hours with no peanuts and broken headphones.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Abby keeps an eye out for Luka as they head to baggage claim, but he did get waylaid by the flight attendant on the way out. She was kidding before, but she really does hope he’s not shacking up with her. Or a hooker. It’s not her business, but she’s seen the self-loathing in his eyes and she hates it more than she hates the itchy, tingly feeling she gets in her gut when she thinks of him with someone else. He’s her ex, that’s normal. Right?

The women get on the hotel shuttle without catching sight of him. When they get out at the hotel, Abby hangs at the back of the group and pretends not to see the knowing looks Susan is throwing her.

The line at check-in is long since there are a lot of Cook County employees taking advantage of this trip. Susan is yawning as Abby tries to ignore how empty her stomach feels. Finally, it’s their turn and Susan steps up to check them in.

“I didn’t run off, see?”

“Hey,” she smiles as she turns around. “I was kidding before, I didn’t really think that.”

“Yeah, sure.” He sighs, and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

Susan interrupts with an excited cry. “Okay, we’re good! What do you say we drop off our bags, change, and head down to the casino?”

“Sounds good, although I’m going to find somewhere to eat instead, I’m starving.”

Luka turns to check in and she and Susan head toward the elevator, but he still catches up with them before they even get there. Damn, she forgot how fast he can travel with those long legs.

“18th floor?”

“Yep. 1823.”

Huh. “We’re 1822.”

“Yeah, Jing-Mei and I registered at the same time, so we should be right across the hall from each other.”

Great. As serious as Abby is about being friends again, she doesn’t need to witness any walks of shame.

At least the hotel is really nice, way better than she’d have expected from a Cook County employee group rate.

“Hey, Luka,” she says after Susan has gone into the room ahead of her. “I’m starving. I’m going to change, do you want to get food after?”

She’s rewarded with a genuine smile this time and it feels like a victory.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Susan gives her a hard time for not heading to the casino, and Abby feels a little bad—without Jing-Mei here, if Abby doesn’t play, there’s no real girls’ trip. But after a little ribbing, Susan gets sincere and tells her to go talk to Luka.

“It’s about time you did, I’ve been telling you forever.” Yeah, well. Things were different before.

Abby almost wants to hug Susan for merely looking taken aback when she sees that Abby has dressed in a new low-cut, shimmery purple top and her nicest jeans. She throws on her new leather jacket as well. She’d done some pick-me-up post-breakup shopping and gotten her hair done, and she looks damn good, if she does say so herself. Looking nice for her vacation doesn’t have anything to do with Luka, she didn’t even know he was coming. Now that she knows, it would be ridiculous to avoid wearing her nice new things because he’s there.

It may be flimsy reasoning, but it’s good enough for her.

As they’re leaving, Susan comes close and slips something into Abby’s jacket pocket.

“What..?”

“Just in case! See you!”

Abby reaches into her pocket, double checking for the room key and groans as she feels the condom packet. At least she didn’t hug her friend. She takes the jacket off to carry it. Because now she’s annoyed and it’s not THAT chilly.

Especially since her next, extremely unwelcome, thought is a little too alluring: after two years, one would definitely not be enough.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As much as Luka’s been trying to behave and keep the drinking to a minimum, he breaks into the minibar as soon as he gets into his room. He needs something to calm his nerves.

It’s pathetic that he’s this excited about a meal with a friend, but that’s more than he’s had in forever. Given that said friend is so much more, at least to him, he’s downing a tiny bottle of vodka then brushing his teeth thoroughly. He has no idea if she would be able to tell, if she’s drinking right now or not, or if it makes it harder on her if she isn’t, but just in case.

He has no idea about anything, really. She never wanted him to.

After changing into a t-shirt and jeans, he hears a knock.

He opens the door to see Abby standing there and hell, is she trying to kill him? It’s been torture watching her from a distance in scrubs, so seeing her like this with her tight jeans, bare arms, and ungh…cleavage…he snaps his gaping mouth shut and hopes she has something to say so he doesn’t have to attempt speech.

“So, what would you like?”

He bites his tongue against a groan. Ten responses come to mind, and not a single one is appropriate.

“Luka?”

Her cheeks are a bit pink, but her smile actually looks genuine, and he’s missed it so much he could cry. It sobers him enough to give her a real answer.

“A cheeseburger sounds good to me, if you’re alright with that.”

“Well, you know me, I am a woman of simple tastes. Cheeseburger it is.”

Something about how she says it doesn’t sit right.

“I’ve always liked that about you, Abby.”

She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, looking flustered. “Okay. Uh, there’s a café a few floors down that’s open 24 hours.”

Not touching her takes most of his effort as they head to the elevator and he stands there beside her in awkward silence. There’s so much he wants to tell her, so much he wants to ask. He’s held back almost everything and he’s not sure he has the strength to do it anymore.

The elevator doors open on the floor they need and when he doesn’t move immediately, she bumps her shoulder into him and he shakes himself and trails behind her.

“Are you too tired for this? You can go to bed, I am a pro at solo dining.”

“No!” He snaps back to himself, he can’t miss his chance to talk to her.

“Okay. Come on.”

Once they’re seated and have taken most of the edge off their hunger, he searches for small talk. Thankfully, she’s better at this than he is.

“Okay, so what’s up with you? How have you been?”

“Oh, you know. Working on my golf swing. Dodging Weaver’s attempts to get me into therapy. You?”

She smirks at him. “You have never once played golf in your life.”

“Ah, well, you know.”

He takes a bite for an excuse not to say any more. It’s a lot, sitting here with her. He wants to enjoy it, but he feels raw and exposed. Her hand covers his and he flips it over and grasps it without a thought.

“Luka. I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend this past year.”

Her hand looks so small in his.

“I’m not your responsibility, Abby. I’ve done a lot of terrible things…I can understand why you wouldn’t want to…be there for that.”

“That’s not why, Luka, you know I have my own share of messes. I was being selfish.”

He looks up at her then, but she’s biting her lip and looking guiltily away. She takes her hand back then, tucking her hands into her lap, and he feels the loss.

“When we were together and I used to hang out with Carter and talk to him, it bothered you, didn’t it?”

That’s an odd topic change. “Uh, yeah, of course it did.”

“Well I…I didn’t realize that until we broke up, that you cared about that.”

What? How could she not realize that? He was so jealous. That had never stopped.

His incredulity must show, because she adds. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—that wasn’t my point—I just didn’t want to do that again with Carter. It wasn’t fair to either of you the first time, and I didn’t want to do it again.”

There’s not much he can say to that, it still makes him feel terrible that he wasn’t even worth that, but she deserved to have a relationship without worrying about her train wreck of an ex. “I understand, you don’t have to…”

“And I also…I wanted to believe you when you said you were fine. I didn’t want to believe you were having as hard of a time as you were. I didn’t want to think…this is so stupid and self-centered, but I didn’t want to feel like maybe I…hurt you. I didn’t really think I could hurt you and then…yeah.”

Luka wishes like crazy he could bring himself to lie, to say that of course it wasn’t because of her. She wasn’t all of it because of course every loss reminds him of his earlier, horrific ones, but feeling like her loss was permanent was the worst he’d felt since losing them. He had thought he and Abby were getting closer again, and then she didn’t even tell him she and Carter were together. They weren’t dating and she didn’t owe him anything, but yeah, it still hurts. He grasps for something, anything to say.

“I missed you—miss you. I um…I’m doing better. I’m showing up for work, not drinking as much…I haven’t even had sex in three weeks.”

Maybe she won’t do the math on that one. It’s not like he expects anything, that ship has very probably sailed, but…Carter is out of the picture now, hopefully for good. If he can be there for Abby, even just as a friend, he wants to do that. Anyway, it’s not like the sex had helped him move on. He’s still in love with Abby, still heartbroken. The screwing around only helped for a moment and then made him feel like an asshole on top of everything else.

Instead of calling him on it, she does that thing where she smiles at him with her eyes and it fills up his chest.

“Three WHOLE weeks? Wow, what an accomplishment.”

He chuckles then and rolls his eyes at her. “Yeah, yeah.”

“I mean, I’ve gone without for…I don’t even know, longer than that, is there an award, maybe a cash prize of some sort?”

Laughter bursts out of him then, and she laughs too, and the tension is broken.

They turn the conversation then, Abby catches him up on the gossip he’s missed, which is a LOT: Chen and Pratt are a thing now, Susan had a terminal teenage cancer patient in love with her, and there’s something sketchy about the way Weaver got promoted and her whole friendship with the Alderman. It’s ordinary and trivial and unimportant, and it’s the best conversation he’s had since before the smallpox quarantine.

Their ice cream is melting and almost gone by the time he gets his courage up to ask. “So, what happened with you and Carter? I mean, if you want to tell me.”

Abby takes a long time swallowing a spoonful before she answers.

“We shouldn’t have gone there. It wasn’t a fit from the start. I thought because we were friends…I don’t know, that it would work, that it would be...safer somehow. But with the drinking thing, and with my family...I know he wanted to help me, and part of it is his own issues, but he made me feel like…like he was bending down to be with me. Like I was supposed to show my appreciation by changing, by being better for him. I knew going in that he wanted to fix me, and I guess I was just as guilty, because I kept waiting for that to change.”

Anger rolls through him as he works his jaw and tries not to react too strongly. Carter had _Abby_ , he had the best woman in the world, and he made her feel like shit. But his memory screams at him that he’s done the same. Maybe not to the same extent, but he still let her feel less than in his own way.

“Anyway, he got a ring from his grandmother, rented out a whole restaurant and everything, started leading up to it, and he just didn’t ask.”

Damn, that was really close, so close to him having to watch her marry Carter, and the relief almost quenches his anger. Okay, he knew Carter was a putz (thanks, Kerry and her workplace manuals, for that helpful addition to his vocabulary), but he didn’t realize he was a complete moron. Abby at least doesn’t expect any response, because he’s pretty sure heaping abuse upon Carter isn’t going to help. Seriously, though, how stupid is he?

“I found the ring that night, when Maggie was on the phone, and she said she and Carter talked.” Oh, great, Maggie was involved, that never ends well. “She told him that…no one should get married expecting the other person to change, that he should love me, as I am, even if I never changed a thing. When I asked him, he couldn’t.”

Carter couldn’t what, love her as she is? How anyone could NOT love her, he’d like to know. It would’ve been helpful knowledge a year or two ago. There are tears in her eyes now, and it’s a good thing Chicago and Carter are thousands of miles away or his knuckles and Carter’s face would already be bruised and bleeding. He’s never thought this before, but thank God for Maggie.

He can’t pretend that he thinks Carter will come around or that he wants him to. Abby’s shrunk herself this past year, curled in on herself and attempted to grin and bear it as she tried to be something she’s not. But he's still sorry for her pain.

“I’m sorry. You know he wasn’t right, don’t you?”

Her nod is too slow and tentative for his liking. “Yeah. I mean, he was right that I shouldn’t be drinking, but the way he went about it was condescending and not at all helpful. As for the other stuff, well, you know I’m not any good at being happy. But I don’t think he and I had a chance at that anyway.”

If he could go back in time and shut his own damn mouth, he’d give every last dime.

“Abby, please don’t take anything I said that night as truth. God knows I’m not the one to tell anyone how to be happy. I was hurt and I was lashing out.”

Kind of like the past year, now that he thinks about it, though that was more a general “fuck you” to the universe as a whole than to Abby.

“Yeah…uh, we should probably talk about that some time. Not tonight, though.”

“Not tonight,” he agrees, and they both stand while he leaves money for the tip.

His hand travels to the small of her back out of habit, and he is about to yank it away in panic when he feels her sag against it slightly. Maybe…maybe he does truly matter more to her than he’d thought.

Back on their floor, Abby slips her jacket back on (to his disappointment), and something falls out.

“Shit!” She curses under her breath and bends down to pick it up, but he recognizes the condom packet.

Seriously, SHIT. What if she…? _Shit._

“Sorry, Susan was being a smartass.”

“Ah,” he says in understanding, knowing Susan’s love for taking it out of him.

Well, the joke’s on Lewis. If that were to happen, one absolutely would not be enough. Their eyes meet accidentally then, and he is positive that she had the exact same thought. Electricity zings down his spine as she blushes and looks away.

It hits deep in his stomach then, the certainty that if Abby wants that, a night with him as a rerun or whatever the word is, he will say yes. He will say yes even if it breaks his heart all over again. The thought of having her in his arms, having even that small taste of her, even if it’s only pretend, is too intoxicating and now, damn, it’s all he can think about.

“Speaking of sleeping around, though, you know I don’t judge you for that, right?”

There goes that thought. He scoffs at that. “If you say so.” She’s definitely judged him several times in the past few months. He judges himself too.

“No, Luka.” Somehow, they’ve arrived at their rooms, and as little as he wants to discuss his, uh, liaisons, with Abby, he doesn’t want to part from her yet either. “I was worried about you. One-night stands with no real connections—it’s fine if that’s what you really want and no one gets hurt—but it’s not you. You like to take care of someone, to be committed, and you’re made to be in a relationship. I’m not a happiness guru either, but I know you won’t be happy otherwise.”

Bile rises in his throat and his eyes sting. She’s right, of course. It’s even been a consideration that maybe he should do that, should find someone pretty and sweet who he likes okay and settle down, have kids, let that be enough. He can’t reconcile himself to it just yet, not when she’s not happy either.

The words are boiling too hot inside him, and he tries to hold them back, he does, but they’re bubbling over before he can stop.

“I wanted that with YOU, Abby.” He swallows and sighs, turning toward his door so he won’t have to see her recoil. “Not…not just anyone. Anyway, uh…goodnight.” At least he didn’t confess to his undying love, but he still needs to go bang his fool head against the wall repeatedly.

In his haste to retreat, he’s fumbling in his back pocket for his room key when her soft hand lands on his arm and pulls him back until her head is leaning on his chest. For a second, he’s still, but then her arms wrap around his waist and he crumbles, wrapping his arms around her. He can’t even remember the last time he hugged her. She feels as right against him as ever, clinging to him tightly, and her hair smells exactly the same.

A door opens a couple rooms down, and they jump apart as a middle-aged man shuffles past with his ice bucket. She moves toward her door and he almost turns to glare at the ice man.

“Luka? I’ve missed you too. Goodnight.”

She gives him a soft look before closing her door and he stands in the hallway for a minute in disbelief. As he unlocks his door, it occurs to him: maybe Weaver actually did do him a favor this time.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luka and Abby flirt with each other and with giving in, egging each other on to see who will crack first. They both know it's just a matter of time.
> 
> But of course, history and life have their ways of intruding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two keep getting feelings in my story where they're supposed to mostly just be hot for each other. But...they're still super hot for each other, just angsty too, so, as per usual for Luka and Abby.

Luka’s up early, and remarkably clear-headed. He expected to lie awake, worried about the repercussions of what he’d admitted to Abby, but he slept great. It’s a relief to be honest, to get it off his chest.

After all, what’s he got left to lose?

A workout and shower later, he’s headed to the buffet for breakfast.

He’s at the coffee machine when he sees Abby come in with Susan. At the scowl on Abby’s face, he gets nervous for a second before he recognizes the lack of focus in her eyes. He grabs a second cup and doctors it to her liking.

Susan shoots him a dirty look as he approaches the table.

“Did you do something to her last night? She’s been pissed off ever since she woke up and won’t say why.”

He rolls his eyes at Susan and hands Abby her mug.

“Give her a couple minutes to finish, she’s always grumpy before her first cup, and yesterday was a long day.”

“I can speak for myself, you know.”

“I know.” He nods and smiles at how adorable she is. That look has always been one of his favorites, and the last time he’d seen it was when she lived with him after her attack.

When he pulls back, he sees Susan watching him closely and moves to grab a plate, trying not to care about what she knows. She’s seen enough of his other, er, activities, that her knowing he’s in love with Abby is small potatoes.

The women are planning on heading to the casino after this, then the pool, and they tell him to come too if he wants. Even if the invitation is only out of politeness, he’s going. Any time he can spend with Abby he’s taking.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The slots are fun, but it’s not why they’re really here, so they don’t stay for long.

It’s not super warm, because it is still March even in Las Vegas, but to Abby’s thick Chicago and Minnesota blood, it feels amazing to bask in the warm sunlight. It’s still snowing half the time back home.

“So, Luka’s meeting us here?”

“Yes,” she says, trying to ignore the leading tone.

“You guys seem very okay. He seems much happier, too.”

“I…I think we are.” She almost squirms, trying to decide how much to spill. “I apologized for neglecting him. I ignored it at the time, but I think he really needed a friend, and he doesn’t really have anybody else here.”

“I get it, you were trying to make it work with Carter. Although…never mind.”

“No, don’t do that, what?”

“It’s just that if you two were completely over and didn’t still have feelings for each other, why avoid him?”

“I…” That’s a really good point, and Abby has no idea what her answer is. “I don’t know.”

It’s clear from last night, and from the Christmas party confession, that he does still have some feelings for her. While her knee-jerk reaction is to deny that there’s anything on her part, she was almost in tears last night from the revelation that he wanted _her._ That could be a response to Carter _not_ wanting her, but she hadn’t even thought of Carter today until just now when Susan brought him up. She’s been thinking about what Luka said, and that charged moment they shared after she dropped Susan’s present.

Susan turns her attention to her book, leaving Abby to ponder in peace, and she takes a few minutes to wonder what the hell she’s supposed to do about all of that as she rubs sunscreen on her arms and legs. She doesn’t want to hurt him again and doesn’t want to be hurt either. But now there’s no Carter and she…if she wants him, and if he wants her too, what’s the harm?

“Oh my god, seriously?” Abby snaps out of her daze to look at Susan and follow her nod to where Luka has just entered the pool area and…geez.

They never went swimming, but she recalls finding his tiny speedo shorts in his drawer and mocking him for them. He’d mocked her right back, calling her a prude, and she kind of loves that about him, that he doesn’t change himself simply to fit in.

Plus, he has no reason to avoid wearing these tiny shorts, clearly, unless it’s to avoid her dropping dead on the spot. Because, _damn._

Susan starts laughing. “Maybe wipe the drool before he gets all the way over here.”

Abby’s face heats up (along with a couple other places), and she firmly admonishes her tongue to stay inside her mouth.

“Hey,” he says, dumping a towel and a pair of sunglasses on the lounge next to her before turning around.

“Hey, you just got here, where are you going?”

“To jump in the pool.”

“Really? It’s not that warm out here.” It’s also harder to ogle him if he’s under the water. But really, it’s only in the low seventies.

“Just a quick dip, it’s refreshing. Come on, give it a try.”

“No thanks, you go ahead.”

The fond smile she gives as he jumps straight into the pool dies when she sees how Susan is looking at her like she’s caught her with her hand in the cookie jar.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m going to go call Jing-Mei and see how she’s doing.”

It should probably bother her that she’s being unceremoniously abandoned, but it leaves her free to enjoy the show without knowing looks and remarks getting tossed her way, so she’ll take it. After a few minutes of trying to watch him, Abby can’t really see anything. She goes back to her sunscreen, rubbing it into her face and then her stomach and chest to finish. Her concentration is on that, so she’s unprepared to look up and see Luka watching her. He’s soaked and his chest is heaving, and the way he’s staring at her makes all reason fly out of her head.

“Have a nice swim?” He snaps his eyes up from her chest and he looks a little chagrined but nods and approaches anyway.

Water is dripping off him like crazy, and seriously, it’s a good thing they’re at the 21 and over pool because the way he looks should be illegal. A drop lands on her thigh and she squeaks.

“Stop, you’re dripping on me.”

Oh no, she knows that look. He bends over her chair and ruffles his hair, shaking water over her, before he sinks down on his chair laughing. It’s cold and annoying, really, but the way he’s beaming kills any protest. The goofy laughter and little boy grin she’s so rarely seen are out in full-force, and seriously, he can get her as wet as he wants as long as he’s that happy.

Yeah, she heard it. The point stands.

“Need me to get your back?”

Oh, hell. “Um…”

“Just helping you avoid skin cancer. I promise I won’t bite.” Luka says and Abby almost asks _“Unless I want you to?_ ” What the hell is wrong with her?

Wordlessly handing him the bottle, she turns. His lounge creaks as he moves it closer, and she’s just sitting there, waiting impatiently for his hands on her. As confused as she is, this is definitely a bad idea, but she can’t bring herself to refuse.

The cap clicks and she hears him rubbing the lotion between his hands to warm it, and then his hands are on her. Shit, he feels so good that it makes her tremble, and his hands still.

“Sorry, too cold?”

“No,” she coughs, “Just—just right.” Who is she, Goldilocks? He resumes then, gently but firmly massaging up the back of her neck.

Did she forget how amazing his touch is? Because his large hands are sliding over her and reminding her that this is a man who knows exactly what he’s doing with her body.

Her bikini strap lifts slightly as he runs his fingers under it and her mouth drops open. He’s being…thorough, to make sure that even if her straps slip she won’t get burned. But her body automatically reacts like he’s pulling down her bra straps and goosebumps erupt all down her arms and legs.

“You okay?” He asks all gravelly and deep and _seriously,_ is he trying to kill her? It sounds like he wants to pull her on top of him and go for it right here. And…shit, she isn’t going to stop him if he does. Forget sunburn. Playing with fire isn’t her style, except with Luka before she got too scared, and oh, she forgot how hot the fire is and how much she likes the heat.

Everything but the small of her back is covered completely, and he takes his time with it. His fingertips smooth to each side of her lower back, brushing her hips, and she can’t help but push back into his hands as his thumbs trace her tattoo.

_Fuck._

No, seriously, _please,_ right now.

A whine just about escapes through her bitten lip when his hands fall away, but then they’re moving up and down her upper arms, as though to warm her. The goosebumps must be obvious, but she isn’t at all chilly.

“Do you…do you need me to get you anywhere else?”

Instead of lying that no, she doesn’t need him anywhere and everywhere all over her, she tries to focus on the sunscreen issue.

“I already put it where I could reach. Do _you_ need…?” At the very least, he deserves payback. As both reward and punishment.

“I put mine on in the room. Skin care is very important, you know.”

As much as she’s now dying to get her hands on him, the momentary disappointment he can’t hide makes hers evaporate almost entirely. Then he brightens and it lights up his whole face…shit, she’s toast.

“Though, if you want to make sure I got everything, you’re welcome to.”

There’s a mischievous sparkle in his eyes that she’s missed, and he’s wearing a flirtatious smirk, but underneath, she can sense the uncertainty. It’s as if he’s testing the waters, seeing if she’ll let him venture deeper.

Her already weak defenses are crumbling. That look reminds her of their first date when he kissed her for the first time and she realized he was even more charming than she’d suspected, she already liked him far too much, and she was in _trouble._ That had only grown until they broke up and it’s back with a vengeance now, but it’s also not. She knows Luka so much better now. It’s still probably a terrible idea, but…screw it.

“Hmm…” she drags her eyes slowly down and back up him—hey, he gave her permission to check—then tilts her head at him in faux innocence. “Nah, I think you look good.”

A shaky breath escapes him, and she feels warm from how flattered he looks, almost even more than how turned on he is with his eyes as dark as she’s seen them. Before either of them can ramp up their dirty game of chicken, they’re interrupted by Susan approaching and clearing her throat.

“If we decide to take advantage of this being the ’European style’ pool, are you going to offer to help Abby with that coverage too?”

Luka shakes his head like he’s getting water out of his ears and then makes a sound in his throat. “First off, Europe is a big place, so I’m not speaking for an entire continent. But countries—yes, like Croatia—where women do that, we can keep the context separate.”

“That wasn’t a no,” Susan mutters to Abby as she sits before, thank goodness, changing the subject. “Jing-Mei’s still home in bed with a fever, so, it’s a good thing she didn’t come.”

“Well, that sucks.”

Awkward silence reigns for a minute before a dark-red haired guy Abby has never seen before calls to Luka and both women turn to him in question as he motions him over.

“This is Chuck, he was my seatmate on the plane.”

“Yeah, no better way to say hello than to explain the Mile High Club, right? Especially as a member myself.”

Abby and Susan look at each other, not quite sure what to do with that information.

“I’m kidding. Can I join you guys?”

“Uh…sure…” Susan answers, and the guy plops down on the lounge right beside Susan.

“So are you a doctor at County too?”

 

* * *

 

Chuck seems like a great guy, so Luka is happy he and Susan are hitting it off. At least, he is, with the few brain cells he can spare to think about anything other than Abby. God, that was hot, she’s hot, and…he’s got to stop staring at her chest and thinking about more touching or he’s going to have a very embarrassing situation.

Before he knows it, Chuck and Susan are heading off to the bar together. At the last second, they remember to offer to bring something back for their travel companions. Abby smirks, probably because it’s such a token offering, but Luka goes ahead and asks for a beer. She caves and asks for a club soda.

Well, it’s something they need to talk about anyway. Normally talking is the last thing he wants to do, but that’s the thing—this might be the last thing he gets to do with Abby. Unless he has a really good reason to stay in the US, he’s probably not coming back. He at least has to try to end things on a better note. And if it’s not an end…well, he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Not again.

So when they’re left alone, he cuts to the chase. “Are you going to be alright with that?”

“With Susan taking off with some guy? It’s fine. Why?”

“No, with…uh, with all the alcohol around this trip.”

“I’ll be fine,” she says shortly, and he slumps, wishing he could take his words back. He knows this was a sore point for her and Carter. But he’s not judging her, he wants to avoid making it worse.

“I meant, if you’re not, I can order a coke or something instead while we’re together.”

“Sorry, I…sorry. No, I’m alright with it. Most of the time, anyway.” He sighs lightly. That’s probably all she’s going to say, but at least she isn’t pissed anymore.

But she surprises him. “I haven’t had anything to drink since Carter and I broke up. It hasn’t been hard so far. If I need you to stop or something, I’ll let you know.”

Sure, she will, like she told him about being an alcoholic. He shouldn’t do this now, but, oh well. The gates are open, and he’s not exactly known as the king of self-control anyway. “Abby…why...?”

She stares down at her lap and sighs, tugging on her ponytail. “Why didn’t I tell you?”

“Yeah.” Does he even want to know the answer?

She shrugs. “I don’t tell people. When we were together, I’d been sober for six years. I wanted to think I was better.” But Carter was easier to tell? Well, if so, that’s his own fault. His thoughts must show right on his face. “I didn’t tell Carter, either, Luka, not until he saw me at a meeting. That’s probably more than I should say because it’s supposed to be anonymous, but you know about his…whole thing and I know you won’t say anything.”

“No, of course not.” She didn’t run off to tell Carter and leave him out, that’s at least something.

“It wasn’t who we were, Luka.”

“What wasn’t?”

“We didn’t talk, not really.”

He swallows through his suddenly tight throat. “I know. We do better now, don’t we? Or we did. Before.” Before Carter. God, like he needs to feel worse. It was almost better to think Abby cared more about Carter and that was why—at least that wouldn’t have been his fault. It’s not surprising that it is, though.

“We do. But back then…I didn’t know how to talk to you.”

It’s too much then, it hurts too much, and he can’t, it bursts out of him. “I know, I know, Abby, I know I was hard to talk to, I know I didn’t talk, I…I know I ruined us, okay?! Don’t you think I’ve regretted it ever since?”

He covers his face with his hands and scrubs them, wishing he could turn back time five minutes and just be uncomfortably turned on in her presence instead of exposed for how broken he is.

Abby’s voice is small when she cuts into his self-flagellation. “I thought it was my fault.”

What—how? “You did? Why?”

“I mean, I had just gotten a divorce. I wasn’t really ready for something like…what we were. I got scared, and I shut you out. Ran away. It wasn’t all you. Plus, a lot of crazy stuff happened so early on. It didn’t give us a good chance.”

He’d thought at the time that she was running, but the way he handled it made it worse, so he let her go. A ton of crazy shit did happen—even their first date was a bloodbath, the train wreck and his flashbacks, Maggie, the Bishop, Maggie again. He messed up at so much, he knows, but maybe…maybe at least some of it boils down to timing?

So, what if that timing were different? There’s been so much hurt and misunderstanding between them, most of it his fault, but here they are, still friends—or whatever—and the chemistry has only gotten hotter. He wants her more than he ever has. And as unsure as he is of everything else between him and Abby on her part, he still knows what it looks like when she wants him.

“Um, so…what do you know about this guy, Chuck?”

Bless Abby for getting them back to safer ground. He sighs in relief.

“He’s a flight nurse, seems nice enough. He already likes Susan, he was asking questions about her even on the plane.”

She smirks at him. “What, are you matchmaking?”

“Hey, if it’ll get her off my back…”

“She’s only teasing, you’ll live. You just don’t like the fact that she’s completely immune to your charm.”

His charm, huh? “So you think I’m charming?”

The look she gives him is indulgent, and he gives her a slow smile that he knows she thinks is cute. Hey, if charm and attraction are what he’s working with, he’s willing to use them to full effect.

“You know you’re very charming. But you’ll need to use something else to get on Susan’s good side.”

“What are my options? Flattery, bribery, groveling on bended knee?”

Abby snorts and laughs. “We’ve established she doesn’t think you’re charming, I don’t think you on your knees is going to help as much as usual.”

Whoa. _That_ is not where he was going at all, not with Susan. With Abby? Who apparently has her mind going there? His pulse skyrockets and he fights the urge to grab her right here now that she’s got him thinking that way again. Well, two can play that game. He leans close to speak near her ear.

“From what I remember, getting on my knees always worked for you.”

She takes a sharp breath in and her eyes sparkle at him while her mouth is slightly open and yeah, they’re doing this. It’s only a matter of time. Especially once she leans even closer, tilts her head and quietly replies. “From what _I_ remember, it always worked for you, too.”

It’s his turn to fight for breath now, and the memory slams into him: her smooth legs in his hands, quaking as he held them apart, her hands rubbing and tugging through his hair, her chanting growing increasingly frantic, and feeling like he was going to explode just from feeling her pleasure overtake her. Shit, just the thought STILL works for him. Now is not the time, what with her close proximity and state of near nudity that echoes his own, and their very public location.

Abby shakes her head then, wide-eyed and blushing. “Luka, what are we doing? What now?”

Luka looks at her and almost snorts. As if he was ever the one holding the cards here. She knows how he feels. At least now, after a year of him collapsing into foolishness because of missing her, plus what he said last night, how could she not? And though she’s not running from him yet and she’s…she’s flirting at the very least, but he’s not thrilled at the prospect of declaring his love just yet, not without something more from her that says she wants that.

So he shrugs, and says “You tell me,” as he had after their breakup. It’s always been up to her.

She’s staring at her fingers where they’re fiddling with the edge of her towel. She’s nervous. He’s about to backpedal, to say that friendship is sufficient—and it is, it’s so much more than he’s had for so long and he never thought he’d get it back—she cuts him off.

“I think…I think we should talk about this more. Maybe we could go to lunch or...you do have a room, so…”

 _Hell_  yes, they can “talk” in his room. Preferably in bed. Or the shower, he isn’t picky, so long as it’s her, he’ll take anything, anywhere. Even actual talking.

Following her cue, he sits up and grabs his stuff, when she sighs. “Crap.”

He turns and nearly groans himself. Susan and Chuck are back, dammit.

They have several more days, though, and he’s not changing his mind. Abby might. But she’s been remarkably receptive to him, so, she might not. She’s looking pretty disappointed, and oh, that does wonders for his bruised heart.

“Hey,” he leans over, laying a hand on her arm. “Later.”

Her nod is tentative but sincere, and she gives him a small smile. God, yes, later.

 

* * *

 

 

Abby’s so wound up as they’re getting ready for dinner that she barely registers anything Susan is saying.

Why, oh why did she have to make that stupid joke? Now all she can think about is his talented mouth and the wonderful things he can do with it—aside from talking, that is.

That’s not wholly fair. He’s been incredibly open with her on this trip. Enough that she can’t pretend anymore that he doesn’t want her—for more than a substitute for his wife, for more than sex. It scares her, but, the thought of maybe trying, of at least having a fun-filled chance that doesn’t start with drama—it’s got her buzzing.

Along with the heaping helping of sexual frustration that is going to take quite a bit of work to get rid of.

“So, you and Luka, huh?”

The mention of his name pulls her attention back to Susan and she feels a little guilty for not focusing.

“Me and Luka what?”

“You’re definitely going there, aren’t you?”

“I…” Should she even bother denying it? “Yeah, I think we are.”

Susan swipes the blush across her cheek before meeting Abby’s eyes in the mirror. “Just be careful, okay? I hope you know what you’re doing.”

It’s a little irksome that people have this false idea of Luka. She knows it’s based on his actions of late, but it’s not who he is. He’s so much better and sweeter, kinder, than they seem to know.

“He’s not going to do anything to me, Susan. He won’t hurt me. At least, not on purpose, he never has.”

“That’s not what I meant, Abby. I’m pretty sure he’s…” She shakes her head. “Anyway, he’s been walking around with a broken heart since you and Carter. Go easy on him, okay?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Abby feels like an ass. It’s true that she would rather ignore that part, but Susan’s right. “I think I really hurt him. I didn’t…I didn’t know I could.”

“I’m not blaming you for the past or anything. It’s just, if all you’re looking for is a good time in Vegas, maybe look elsewhere, okay?”

Instead of bothering with arguing, she nods. She gets why Susan would think that, but she wouldn’t use or hurt Luka like that, either. Anything between them wouldn’t be that way, though, there’s too much emotion on both their sides for it to ever be solely physical. But, committing to a serious relationship right away sounds equally stupid. Isn’t it?

They head to dinner, Susan’s treat after some small winnings that afternoon at Blackjack, and the unexpected happens when she and Luka find that they are superfluous. Chuck’s funny, and he’s kept them all laughing, but he and Susan only have eyes for each other. It’s getting increasingly awkward as the night goes on. So, when they head to the restroom, Abby offers for her and Luka to take off.

“You really like him, don’t you? Why don’t you guys go ahead to the comedy club and Luka and I will make ourselves scarce?”

“Mm-hmm, don’t think I missed the bedroom eyes you two have been throwing each other across the table. Make sure you use protection.”

“That’s not what I meant, but if you need to blame it on me and Luka, you can go right ahead.” Susan’s been lonely and looking for someone for a while, and Abby’s happy for her, even if that means she gets thrown under the bus a little.

…Or a lot. Back at their table, Susan wastes no time in paying the bill and telling Chuck that Abby and Luka have tired of their company before dragging him off. Luka looks a little shell-shocked at how quickly all of it transpires, and Abby’s blushing at the heavy implications as they turn in the direction of their hotel.

“You didn’t really tell her we were sick of them, did you?”

Abby snorts. “Not at all. I pointed out how you and I were sitting there like third and fourth wheels, and said if she wanted Chuck to herself, we would be fine.”

“You’re not disappointed, then, that we’re on our own?”

Biting her lip against a grin, Abby shakes her head. “Nope.”

His hand finds the small of her back and the sweet uncertainty and anticipation between them is so reminiscent of their first date that Abby can’t help but check the shadows for lurking muggers. She sneaks a look at him and finds him watching her. A few steps later, she reaches back to squeeze his hand, and he doesn’t let go. They’re friends. It shouldn’t be a huge gesture, but it feels like a promise, and that’s terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure.

By unspoken agreement, they stroll back to the hotel slowly, checking out the lights of the strip and people watching. Somehow it hits harder now with this quiet togetherness, how much she misses him, even as a friend. There’s an ease between them now, born from all they’ve been through together, that makes her less afraid that whatever happens next will break what they have.

She’s still scared that she’s going to break Luka or get hurt herself, but both of those things have already happened and they’re still here. Maybe it’s not the catastrophe she’s imagined.

“Did you know you can take a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon from here? If I thought you’d agree to it, I’d try to convince you to do it.”

Yeah, no. “Sorry. Motion sickness, remember? Plus, helicopters remind me of Romano.”

He wrinkles his nose at that in apology before tilting his head. “What about the tower at the hotel?”

Is he trying to come up with excuses to stay together? She hopes so, but tourism isn’t exactly what she has in mind. “Actually, can we go back to one of our rooms and talk?” Or _not_ talk, but he seems nervous all of a sudden, and she doesn’t want to come on too strong if he’s changing his mind.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, head down, determinedly nonchalant, but there’s a slight tremor in the hand holding hers.

“Luka, if you would rather…”

“No, I…no.” Stopping abruptly, he pulls her out of the flow of pedestrian traffic and bends down toward her face, struggling to get out the words. “I…” He trails off, lifting his hand to run down her arm, and he closes his eyes like that alone is too overwhelming.

She knows she shouldn’t, because they never talked enough, but she can’t help but try to make it easier on him. “I know, it’s okay. I know.” Despite all the insecurity and confusion, it’s the truth. She can see it in his eyes, has already seen it in his eyes over and over though she didn’t want to admit it. He wants her, and for more than just a night.

She wants him just as much right back, and that scares her shitless, but it hurts to see him so scared. While she can’t say the words, she does run her hand up to his cheek and he practically falls against her as he leans into her touch. It almost breaks her heart. He was like that the first time, so starved for touch, and now she knows it’s not just a general problem, it’s about her, and that is…scary, but also…also really special, and not something she could use and then throw away.

“Okay?” She asks after a minute, half angry with herself for not using more words, and half glad that they can communicate at least enough for this as he lets out a grateful breath and nods at her.

Luka’s got a quick recovery, though, a minute later, he’s pulling her down the sidewalk by the hand, weaving through the crowd and dodging people left and right. A giggle bursts out of her, and he looks back at her with a grin before pulling her closer. The anticipation is heady and she’s tingling and winding up higher with every step. They’re really doing this.

There’s an obnoxious ringing then, and it takes her a minute to realize it’s coming from her purse. She ignores it. When they’re about a block from the hotel, it rings again. Shit.

It’s Maggie. Staring between Luka and the phone, she fights the urge to ignore it, but…Eric. She drops Luka’s hand to answer.

“Hello?”

There’s no news. Not unless you count Maggie wanting Abby to call the police _again_ , which Abby doesn’t. They don’t listen to Abby any more than they do to Maggie, and there’s no more they can do, but Abby’s always the one to do the legwork. Maggie’s never had to sit and wait before, so she thinks movement means she’ll accomplish something. It won’t. She finally convinces Maggie to let her go, that Eric will call when he’s ready, and she puts her phone away with a bitter sigh.

Trying to calm down from the combination of preparing for a night with Luka, the adrenaline rush of terror—thinking that Eric had been found, and attempting to talk Maggie down as usual, she wants to cover her ears and scream.

Every time she wants to act, it’s too much for them. Every time she doesn’t want to act, it’s not enough. She cannot ever win. And yet again, it’s coming in between her and Luka. She tries to ignore it, tries so hard, but he’s Luka, so of course he asks.

“Everything alright?”

Ugh, she doesn’t want to talk about it. What she wants to do is forget about Eric and Maggie, drag Luka upstairs to his room and get her hands (and everything else) on him as soon as possible. But she can’t. It’s there, this lump, stuck in her throat, and she can’t swallow or talk or breathe around it. Until she can.

“Why? Do you want to tell me how I’m handling it wrong?”

She blurts it out before she can stop herself. Shit. _Shit._ This is the last thing they need to do.

Luka recoils from her in shock and she hates the feeling of both loss and a bit of relief that she’s finally saying it.

“What?”

He’s so confused when she looks at him, and that only fuels her anger, even though she knows it’s unfair.

“I mean, you can say it, my family is getting in the way again, messing with my time with you. I know you’re probably annoyed that I even answered.”

“What? Is this really about me? I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

It’s not _only_ about him, but it is about them, one of the major reasons they didn’t work out before. She resents that she still doesn’t know what he was thinking or feeling before—just that he was cold, and she resents Maggie for calling tonight, and she resents Eric for still being gone, and she resents herself for making it about her at all and for taking it out on him.

“Oh, come on, Luka. I know it made you mad before. I don’t know if you were mad at Maggie for showing up or having the disease, or at me for not listening to you when you tried to take over, or what, but I know that much.”

“That’s not…that’s what you think?” The pain on his face is stark. She wants to be callous and angry and not care, but the guilt burns in her chest, especially as he opens the door to the hotel lobby and gently ushers her in.

It is what she thinks, though, and she can’t lie this time. “I…yeah.”

The burning look in his eyes cuts her as he swallows, says “Okay,” and stiffly marches to the elevator as she follows behind.

It’s only ten, and the elevator is empty. Great. The doors slide shut behind them, and he stares off as she shifts from foot to foot, not knowing what to say.

“If you’d rather go to your room instead and call Carter to see what he has to say, feel free.”

OUCH. Outrage makes her swing around to glare at him. What the hell? An ugly impulse to hit back seizes her then.

“Maybe I will.” Her aim is good, she watches it hit him and he absorbs the hurt. It makes her feel sick to her stomach how she started this without a real reason, and now they’re both retaliating in kind.

When the elevator dings and the doors finally open, she takes off down the hall at speed. She’s halfway to her room when she realizes she’s alone, and she swivels around, but it’s no use. Luka never got off the elevator.

This feels like shit.

She slows to a defeated crawl, reeling at the difference between a half hour ago when she’d been chomping at the bit to get back here to Luka’s bed and now, when the best she can hope for is curling up in her hotel bed and getting a solo cry. She pulls her room key out of her purse and goes to enter it when she notices: there’s a sock on the door knob.

Seriously?

“Shit!”

Eyes burning, she backs across the hall and slides down to the floor, leaning against the opposite door. Luka’s door. She blows out a shaky breath and bangs her head lightly against her knees. Why did Maggie have to call right then? Why, _why_ , did she have to react that way? Now Luka’s going to remember all the reasons not to do this. Hell, he’s probably already being picked up by some hot random woman at one of the hotel bars, after remembering why he washed his hands of her in the first place.

Even though he never really did. He was always still there, a good listener, and she’s always known he’ll help if she tells him she needs him.

Trying not to cry as she sits there with her face buried against her black dress pants, she misses his approach. A throat clears loudly and she jerks her head back to find Luka looming over her, biting his lip uncertainly.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t go in our room. There’s um, a sock. On the door.”

“A sock on…what?”

If Abby didn’t feel so awful, she’d find it adorable. “I guess that’s an American thing? It means ‘stay out, I’m getting lucky’.”

“Oh. OH.” He stares at their door for a minute before quickly glancing away as if he’s accidentally going to see through it. “What do you want to do?”

Turn back time an hour. But that’s not happening. “Can I…can I stay with you? Or I guess I could go check with the desk to see if there are any open rooms…”

“No, you can stay.” He awkwardly bends down to help her up and her heart aches that he drops his hand as soon as she’s on her feet.

Awkwardness hovers, heavy around them as they go into the room and close the door. Abby takes in the differences between her and Susan’s room and his, the most notable of which is the singular king-sized bed.

“I’ll take the couch.” Luka says and she wants to scream. This is not what she wanted, not at all.

“No! We’ll…it’s a big bed, we’ll share.” At his uncertain look, she covers. “I saw this documentary about all the germs in hotels, and, well, you don’t really want to sleep on anything that can’t be washed.”

With such sensual pillow talk, it’s a wonder they haven’t reunited sooner. But it does the trick and he nods, warily, but it’s a minor victory.

They stand there staring for a minute before he finally breaks the silence. “I guess we’ll just…” he gestures at the bed and she nods.

Gah, if she can’t take back the words of the past hour, can she at least bridge this gap somehow? Sleeping with him without _sleeping_ with him is going to be torture. Especially wearing…ugh.

“Can I, uh, borrow a shirt or something?”

His “Sure,” sounds almost pained, but he crosses to his suitcase and rummages for a moment before tossing a gray t-shirt at her.

It’s her favorite, the one she used to always pick to sleep in, and she chokes back tears.

They quietly take turns in the bathroom. Luka goes first, and when she comes out in his shirt, he’s already in bed. She blushes as his eyes roam over her, in spite of everything. As she climbs in, he turns off the lamp.

A huge bed between them, they lie there silently, though Abby knows he’s awake. She’s never going to sleep at this rate.

“Look, Abby. I wasn’t mad at you or at your mother for having the illness or coming between us or whatever you said. It was…anything that hurts you makes me mad. I know she can’t help that she’s bipolar. But she does choose to go off her meds—she knows what will happen, what she’ll do to you, and she still does it. I can’t be okay with that.”

She rolls to face him, trying to see him in the dark. An argument rises to her lips, but it dies. He’s right. “She’s doing better this time. I think maybe it scared her enough.”

“Good. I’m glad.” He hesitates. “I’m sorry about Eric.”

“Me too.”

There’s so much more to say, but for now, it’s enough that they aren’t fighting anymore. Her heart is still smarting from the things both of them said. It still sucks that this is how the day is ending, but, there’s always tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow, if they can avoid any more landmines, she’ll get to actually touch him again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making up and making up for lost time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to the quicker burn.

Luka wakes to pins and needles in his arm and when he moves his fingers, he finds Abby’s already tangled in them. She had moved sometime in the night, all the way from the other edge of the bed, and he knows it was probably subconscious but that flame of hope in him still flares up. Ignoring the physical discomfort, he savors this moment when he can watch and drink her in, unobserved. This isn’t how he’s envisioned another morning after with her, but at least it’s peaceful for now.

Why did he strike back last night? He knew she was lashing out and he reacted, despite knowing it was wrong. Her anger had been surprising, but he thinks he understands. Maybe.

Abby knew him better than to think he was angry about Maggie taking her time and energy, so he’d thought, but she doesn’t. Back when they were together, they didn’t talk enough and even when they did, they didn’t spell things out. What reason would she have had back then to think that it was being shut out and watching her flounder that he hated? That he wanted to help but not take over, when he didn’t make that clear? He’d been jealous and hurt, but she hadn’t realized that either, somehow. She has to know now, right?

Abby shifts then, and he averts his eyes up so she won’t freak out from being stared at first thing. There’s a moment when she stiffens, but she quickly relaxes as she realizes where she is. She doesn’t take her hand from his.

“Luka?” She whispers.

“Yeah,” he whispers back, still staring at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry I picked a fight.”

He rolls to look at her then, and she’s biting her lip guiltily.

“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have brought Carter up, I just…I’m still jealous, I guess. I’m sorry.”

She looks at him in disbelief. Seriously? He fought a damn duel against the guy, what did she think that was about? “Still?”

“You were maybe going to…to marry him, and you have to ask me that?” He almost chokes on the word, it’s so hard to even get out.

A sharp intake of breath and she stares at him for a moment, jaw working as she pulls her hands to clasp them in front of her. Shit. Making coffee before this would have been a good plan, but it’s too late now. And if…well, not if, they’re doing this as long as she still wants to, but he’d like to at least know he’s not a substitute for Carter.

Abby props herself up a bit and even as he’s nervous about what she’s going to say, he thrills at being pinned by her dark eyes. She sets her chin. “I’m not going to marry him. I’m not in love with him either. It was…he felt safer, Luka.”

“Safer?”

Safer than what? Than him? Does she not feel safe with him? That doesn’t sound right when they just slept in the same bed, so that can’t be quite what she means.

“I wasn’t…he couldn’t hurt me. Well, he did hurt me, but not as much as…” She closes her eyes before continuing and his heart picks up speed. “As if I felt…more.”

She’s looking down now, the way she’s glancing at him but can’t look at him directly says she’s embarrassed or nervous…oh, god. Does she mean she feels more for _him_?

Heart in his throat, he lifts his hand to cup her cheek and she turns to meet him with eyes that betray her fear—and he knows then, it’s fear that he’ll hurt her. That vulnerability and the fact that she’s letting him see it squeezes his heart like a vice. There’s no way he’d ever turn her away, but she’s still so scared, and he leans in, unable to do anything other than answer. Slowly, in case he’s wrong and she wants to pull away, he moves in and as soon as his lips brush hers, she meets them with a soft, open mouth and deepens the kiss.

It’s shocking, the want he feels from her, the fact that he’s finally kissing her again, that she’s kissing him back, and he pulls back for a minute to stare at her. His control is about to snap and he needs to make absolutely sure.

Her shuddering gasp when he breaks contact makes him trace his thumb over her cheek as she leans her forehead against his.

“Abby?” He whispers and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Finally, she blinks open her eyes and they’re sparkling at him. By way of answer, she runs her hand into his hair, and he might cry, but the next minute her mouth is ferociously taking his own. She’s light and heat and… _Abby,_ and it’s everything. There’s a none-too-gentle shove as she maneuvers them onto their sides and he lets the desire overtake him, sliding his hand into her hair.

They’re making out like teenagers, like they don’t need to breathe as much as they need each other. Honestly, he really doesn’t, not if breathing means he misses a second of this. Luka could happily kiss her forever—he almost forgot how kissing could feel like sharing his heart with someone rather than just his mouth, like it’s an end in and of itself and not just a means to one.

Kissing isn’t enough for Abby, though. She runs her hand down his chest, over his nipple and stomach before her fingers find exposed skin at his waist and he groans into her mouth. Her lips twitch, trying to smile, but thankfully, she doesn’t pull away even for that.

Her legs are bare, he remembers, and he reaches down to her smooth calf to pull her leg over his as she whimpers and bites his lip. Oh, hell yes. She’s like fire as she bucks against him impatiently and he almost loses it. Message received, no more teasing. He wants to drink in every second of this, of her, caress and kiss and relish every inch that he’s missed, but it’s been too long.

He rubs up her leg, under the shirt she’s wearing, and traces just under the hem of her panties. She moans then and pulls away from their kiss.

“Shit, Luka,” she pants against his mouth.

Giving into her plea, he reaches up to squeeze her ass and she feels as perfect as ever. He pushes himself against her and she cries out. It’s a good thing he had the foresight to stick some supplies in the drawer of the bedside table, because no way would he want to pry his body away from hers right now for a search.

She runs both soft hands up his chest under his shirt, and then nudges him up so she can take it off, but before she can, there’s a knock at the door.

Her growl of frustration is so adorable that it melts his own and he chuckles a little as he reassures her.

“It’s okay, they’ll go away.”

“If it’s housekeeping, they might come in.”

Knowing she’s right, he sighs and calls out. “Sorry, it’s occupied, can you come back later?”

“Luka?” Shit, that’s Susan. “Do you know where Abby is? I was uh, busy, last night and she didn’t come in, but when I checked with the desk, they didn’t give her a new room. Is she with you?”

Abby leans her head on his chest for a second before climbing off the bed. He makes a grab for her.

“Hey, no…”

“I don’t want her to worry, I’ll be right back.”

Stifling a groan, he slumps back against the pillows and watches her go, wondering if he’s in purgatory and he’s going to keep getting this close to what he wants before being perpetually interrupted.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Abby takes a shaky cleansing breath before opening the door, trying to calm down so that she doesn’t vent her frustration at her friend.

But at the sight of Susan, rumpled and glowing, clearly having had a much more enjoyable night than Abby had, her irritation at the interruption slips out and she snaps. “What?”

Susan’s eyes widen, and Abby can tell she’s noticing how Abby looks, which she can only imagine speaks volumes. “Oh, nothing, it’s, uh, just that I should have talked to you first instead of doing the sock thing, but we got caught up and I didn’t. Then I couldn’t find you and got a little worried, so I wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”

Abby bites back a scoff, thinking of how very okay she’d be if she were still in the room, but Susan is looking so unsure that she can’t bring herself to be mad. “I’m here.”

“Good. That’s good. I remembered that Luka usually gets up pretty early, but I guess I woke you up since you look less, um, chipper than I would expect after a night with him. Are you alright?”

A slightly hysterical giggle pops out of Abby as she thinks that yes, Luka was definitely already _up_ when Susan knocked. “You’re the one looking chipper this morning.”

Lewis blushes bright red and doesn’t hold back a grin.

When nothing else follows despite her friend’s search for words, Abby feels the tug to get back to Luka, before anything else—especially either of them—can get in their way again.

“We kind of had a fight last night, but we’re fine now and uh, well, I’ll probably look a lot more chipper if I go back in there and pick this up later.” A lot later.

“Oh, you—sorry. I’ll see you when I see you, I guess.”

Susan practically trips over her own feet as she rushes away. Abby should probably go get her stuff out of their room, maybe even stop to think about whether or not the interruptions are a sign and she should regain some self-control. But she can’t bring herself to care one iota right now. She pushes Luka’s door back open and moves the stopper so that it will fully latch. Luka’s sprawled on the bed and it would make her grin except that he’s looking so doubtful that it breaks her heart.

The reason why is clear, she’s run from him at nearly every opportunity that has presented itself in the past. But she thinks maybe she’s done. The fear is still there, yeah, but holding back from him hasn’t kept her heart safe. It hasn’t made her happy, either.

Making her way to the bed, she sits on the edge and looks at him, wondering if he’s about to call this off.

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, and she grabs the hand closest to her. “Abby…” He shakes his head as if to say it’s no use.

“Luka, what? What do you want?”

He looks at her then, one side of his mouth twitching up a little self-deprecatingly. “We both know what I want, Abby. What do _you_ want?”

Screwing up her courage, she slides into his lap, throws a leg over, and straddles him. Luka’s eyes roll back and his breath catches as he grabs her by the thighs. She runs her hands up under his shirt, and this time there’s nothing to stop her from pulling it over his head and running her hands over his bare chest and arms as he shudders violently under her touch. He leans down to rest his head below her clavicle and she hums before combing her fingers into his hair to hug him close as he breathes her in.

Then his nose nuzzles against her as he uses it to slide over the neck of her shirt and he presses a slow, sucking kiss below her breastbone that makes her moan before he pulls back. She can’t help but roll her eyes a little when he looks up at her to check how she’s feeling, because he _so_ knows what he’s doing. But she wants to erase that lingering question in his eyes, so she finally answers him.

Placing a kiss on his jaw, she whispers in his ear, “I want you.”

Luka sags in relief for a second, and then the dam breaks. He kisses her hard and fast, and the next thing she knows, her senses are overloaded with Luka because her shirt is off and his mouth and hands are all over. She falls into him.

 

* * *

 

 

Luka wakes to Abby’s fingernails tracing lightly up and down his arm and, like a cat, he lifts into her touch.

“Hey there. I thought I might have to shock you to wake you up. Did I wear you out?”

A smile stretches wide across his face and he grabs her hand to kiss it.

“Mm, a beautiful woman had her way with me twice, so it took a lot of energy, yes, but it was no hardship.”

“I don’t know, it felt pretty _hard_ to me,” she smirks and they both laugh. God, it feels good to laugh with her again. “And it was more like one and a half times.”

He rolls his eyes and moves to grab her arm and pull her into bed when it dawns on him that she’s wearing her clothes from last night. Damn, he’s ready for round two (or three, whichever, he’s not fussy about the numbers).

“Why are you dressed? Are you leaving?” Dread punches him in the stomach, but he ignores it. He has to be willing to take what she can give, moment by moment.

“I need a shower, and I need clean clothes. So I had to get dressed, I can hardly run around the hotel naked. Plus, I’m really hungry.”

“You should stay,” he says as his mind races. He doesn’t want to come on too strong, but she also needs to know he wants her with him. It’s become rather clear to him the past few days that she’s been too in the dark over his feelings before. It’s a delicate balance.

A push, a small one, he decides. She’ll push back if she doesn’t want it. “I’ll order room service while you grab some clothes and things, and then we can take that shower together.”

She bites her lip, and he can see that she wants to say yes. So he pushes a little more. “You still like ketchup on your eggs?” He flings back the sheet to get up.

Abby nods in response, and he wants to laugh at how she’s determinedly avoiding looking directly at his body. As if that’s somehow more intimate than all the ways she’s touched him.

“They probably aren’t still serving breakfast. Or lunch.”

“Eh, it’s Vegas. They have food around the clock.” He sits on the side of the bed and reaches for the phone, but she still looks hesitant.

Finally, she looks at him and he feels himself tingle as her eyes immediately run down his whole body before jumping guiltily up to his face.

“Here.” He grabs his extra room key off the bedside table. “I’ll order and head to the shower, and you can just…join me. When you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

Luka tries to act nonchalant, but she probably notices how he relaxes when she takes it.

As he turns on the water and steps in, he’s pretty sure she’s not coming and he tries to ignore the rising disappointment. But a minute or two later there’s a click, and shortly after, the curtain opens and Abby slaps his ass before stepping in.

Giddy relief takes hold of him, and he spins around and grabs her, grinning and making her laugh. Then he backs her up against the wall to kiss her until she’s gasping into his mouth. He gentles his touch after a moment, though, thinking of the hotel worker who will be delivering food into their room shortly. ( _His_ room, he corrects himself. Until she says otherwise.)

Abby pecks his bicep sweetly and wraps her arms around his waist. His eyes shut at the simple affection. He presses his mouth to the top of her head and holds her close. Then she reaches down to grab the bottle of hotel shampoo. She smiles and gives it to him before slipping past him to wet her hair in the stream. He steps closer and works his fingers through her hair, heart swelling. He hadn’t been sure she’d allow him this kind of quiet intimacy. She’d allowed it only rarely when they were together, he doesn’t think she ever initiated it, and as they take turns washing each other, he marvels at the change.

Maybe she really has missed him more than it seemed. He smiles down into her eyes as he washes her back and she leans her chin on his chest.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luka’s grinning as he rolls to avoid crushing her, and he’s so beautiful Abby can hardly stand it.

“I forgot how much I like you like this.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at her and she giggles.

“What do you mean ‘like this’? Naked? In bed with you?”

“No—well, yes—but I meant all happy and relaxed.”

He laughs then, and she takes it in, the crinkles around his eyes, how messy his hair is, how wide open his mouth is as mirth pours out. “Yeah, that tends to happen.”

“I haven’t seen you smile much for a while.” She wants to take the words back immediately, as his face falls.

“Yeah, well.” He recovers quickly. “Now you know all it takes is that thing you do with your hips and—“

Abby smacks him with her pillow. “Shut up.” Her face flushes even more now than it already was, both from the flirting and from the thought of having this, still, when they’re back home.

She jumps as he grabs the pillow from her, but he tucks it behind her and pulls her closer to lay her head on him. It feels even better than before, all of it: the sex, his touch, but also their connection—it’s like they’re more in sync now. Now that they’re better friends and know what it is to miss out on each other. Being back in his arms is making her giddy. They lie there in easy silence, and she thinks back to before, to the better memories.

“You still watch me when we…” The words _make love_ die in her throat this time, the memory of baring herself without a response making itself known.

“When we make love.”

Her heart pounds at the way he says it as a statement, one that carries weight, and she nods.

“You’re still beautiful. Even more so.”

Beauty doesn’t work that way, Abby is pretty sure, and the memory of the night they broke up twinges. But his look is utterly sincere and it makes her eyes sting and steals her words.

Luka comes to her rescue, smiling softly. “I forgot you get chatty after.”

“I do not!”

“You do. I like it, I’ve always liked it.”

“Oh.”

He runs his fingers through her hair and her prickly side would love to be offended, but it’s impossible.

“I…I’m glad we can talk more now other times, though. I think it will…help us…this time…?” How he says it slow and halting lets her know he’s trying to confirm that this time is real, that it’s more than just today.

A yes almost bursts out of her before she realizes that a month ago, she was still with Carter. She doesn’t want to be one of those women who alternate men like outfits, but she doesn’t want to lose this either. Doesn’t want to lose Luka, either. Not again. Everything in her recoils at the thought, and the intensity of her own reaction scares her.

So in answer, she leans up and kisses him, hoping that says it for her. They need to talk more about that, she knows, but not now, not in bed, not when they’re newly reuniting. She’s relieved when he kisses her back but doesn’t turn it into more. As much as she’d enjoy that, she’s sore and needs a break. Even so, that’s no reason to leave his hold. She’d think after a nearly year-long relationship she wouldn’t feel starved for touch, but it feels like she might have been.

The phone rings and they sigh simultaneously and rest their heads together, catching their breath, before Luka shifts to answer.

“Hello? Oh, hey, Susan…Sure.” He hands Abby the receiver.

“Susan?”

“Hey, Abby, can we go to dinner tonight?”

“Uh…” she looks at Luka, wanting to say no.

“I know you don’t want to leave Luka, and I’ve been with Chuck since…anyway, he has a thing with some other friends tonight. I thought it would be nice to have one women only dinner together, and catch up. But I totally get it if you want to be with Luka instead.”

“Okay, just a sec.”

Torn, Abby bites her lip and looks up at him in question, since he’s close enough to overhear. He shrugs, looking unsure.

Unable to think of an excuse, she agrees. “Okay, what time?”

“Want to meet at our room at seven?”

Abby has zero concept of the time, so she checks the clock. Whoa, it’s 6:25.

“Sure, sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” She passes the receiver back and Luka hangs up. “Is that okay?”

“You don’t need to ask permission, Abby.”

She rolls her eyes. “I know that.” When he doesn’t say more, she looks at the clock again and sighs. “I guess I’d better get going now. I can’t believe it’s after six, where did the day go?”

Luka chuckles. “You need me to remind you?”

In a swift movement, he pulls her on top of him and she hums into his mouth as he kisses her. With great regret, she wrenches herself away. “I don’t have time for you to remind me.”

“Thirty minutes is plenty of time.” He gives her his best puppy dog look, and combined with the smirk, God help her, she nearly caves.

“Not if I want to be decent.” She flushes as sits up and he doesn’t try to hide his stare. She yanks his shirt off the bed and throws it on, just to be covered for the moment.

“I prefer you indecent.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” she laughs before kissing him on the cheek and standing up.

She can feel his eyes on her as she goes to grab the clothes she never bothered to put on earlier. Tempted as she is to tease him as she dresses, she chickens out and goes to the bathroom.

Dressing and makeup don’t take all that long, but it does take a bit of doing to tame her hair, since it was wet when Luka had very thoroughly and slowly made sure there was no way it would dry neatly. She blows it dry before putting it up in a clip because it’s still a mess.

She comes out, expecting Luka to be dressed, and he is. Sort of.

“Going for a swim, huh?”

“Mm-hmm. If you’re getting out, I figure I should too.”

Never accuse Luka of playing fair. “Are you punishing me for leaving or trying to get me to stay?”

He gives the fakest innocent look ever. “What, is there something wrong with what I’m wearing? I mean, you were staring yesterday. Gave me a complication.”

Giving in a little, because damn it, he _is_ adorable, she places a hand on his chest. “A complex. And I wasn’t the only one staring, was there something wrong with my bathing suit?”

He grins before grabbing her hip. “The only problem I remember is that it stayed on.”

There’s a knock then and Abby jumps away from him to call that she’ll be out in a minute and grab her purse. Should she kiss him goodbye? Hug him? Is it okay if she comes back?

She steps toward him awkwardly before she makes up her mind, and he hovers a little hesitantly before bending to give her a chaste kiss.

“You have your key?”

“Oh. I didn’t know, um. Is it okay if I…?” Face heating, it hits her that he called it her key, and he might mean the one to her and Susan’s room.

“You have to come back so I can uh…remind you what we were doing all day.” The look he throws her then gives her goosebumps and she wants to shake herself. How is she this insatiable?

“Okay.” She manages to get out a simple reply.

“And if you want to put on your bikini so I can finally take it off, I would not be opposed to that.”

Okay, she needs to stop that train right now or they aren’t going anywhere. And that would be bad, right?

“I’ll see you then. Do you want me to bring you food?”

“Nah, I’m good. See you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah. Bye.” Abby tries to walk normally though she can feel his eyes boring a hole in her back.

 

* * *

 

 

“So, you and Luka.”

“So, you and Chuck.”

“Yeah. I really like him. A lot. But you’re actually glowing.”

Abby shrugs, embarrassed and not sure what to say.

“How’s it going with you and Chuck? Have you learned your last names yet?”

“Yep. His is Martin. We got out a bit today and talked. He makes me laugh.” She grins to herself before turning to Abby. “I think it might be something real. Maybe.”

Abby raises her eyebrows. “Wow. Well, he does live in Chicago, so it won’t be too hard to get to know each other.”

“Are you and Luka getting any talking done?”

“Not much today.” She smiles and realizes her cheeks are starting to hurt. “We have been, though, before.”

“Do you think you’ll take that back to Chicago?”

Abby takes a deep breath. “I don’t know.” The idea of business as usual, coworkers and friends from a distance, sounds like the worst thing she’s ever heard. But if they do this…they have to _really_ do it this time, and that’s scary. Less scary than it used to be, but still pretty damn terrifying.

“You want to, though.”

It _is_ what she wants. Luka is what she wants. But…

“Is that terrible?”

“You mean because of Carter?”

“Yeah, and just…being that girl, being fickle.”

Susan takes a sip of her drink and gives her a long look. “Abby, I don’t think you’re fickle. I think you’re coming to terms with how you really feel.”

She thinks it over as her stomach coils into a knot. “I know what everyone will think and say, with Carter and me just breaking up and Luka’s whole... _thing._ ”

“Do you care about that enough to not do it?”

No. She doesn’t, not really. She hates people talking about her, always has, but it’s also true that they always have, so why not give them something to talk about?

“There’s also Carter.”

Susan takes a large bite of her steak before answering. “Is there any chance of you and Carter getting back together?”

“No.” This she knows without a doubt.

“Then I think you have to make that decision without worrying about him. Yeah, he might be hurt, but he’s a big boy, he’ll get over it. If you want Luka, waiting to make it official while pining for him would hurt the two of you and it won’t stop Carter from being hurt later. I say go for it.”

That seems like a weird 180 from her old point of view. “I always thought you were pushing for Carter and me.”

“I’m for my friends being happy. When I thought you two would make each other happy, I was happy for you.”

“Then you realized we don’t?”

“Yeah, I mean, I started seeing it toward the end, and now I see there were earlier signs. I also didn’t see you and Luka clearly before.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you were distant because you didn’t want him. Before you got with Carter, I thought you were right that he didn’t want you either, but that became obvious, and you seemed to think nothing of it, so I tried to believe you. But now…”

“Now?”

“Now I think you’re crazy about each other but you’re scared.”

Abby winces as that hits its mark. The fear creeps out of its hole and grabs her by the neck. Maybe she can change the subject to something less personal, like her crazy mother and brother or her alcoholism? She lets out a humorless chuckle. “That’s not wrong, I guess.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Uh…” She really isn’t sure how they stumbled into such dangerous territory. Susan isn’t attacking her, though, not intentionally. It can’t hurt to get someone else’s opinion, can it? “I didn’t realize this until recently, but…I think what I’m afraid of is having something that it would break me to lose.”

It’s pulling teeth to get the words out and after she feels exposed, like the lightest touch will hurt.

The table has a stain, like something too hot was set down on the surface. It’s shaped like a raindrop. When Susan speaks, the sympathy (which Abby hopes is NOT pity, because she can’t stand that) is audible.

“I get that. I do. But if you never have anything that would break you to lose, you’ll never have anything worthwhile.”

A lump forms in Abby’s throat as she’s reminded of Maggie saying basically the same thing. Right before she tanked her relationship with Luka. “I know. Doesn’t stop the fear.”

Susan sighs, and fortunately they’re interrupted as the waiter brings their dessert orders. Thank God. This conversation certainly could use some chocolate. They both dig in.

“I really do get it, you know. When I was doing my residency at County, my sister Chloe left her daughter with me when she started using again.”

Abby blinks in shock. That’s amazing, Susan raising her niece like that. But it can’t have a happy ending, considering what Abby knows about her niece disappearing the year before and the fact that Susan isn’t with her now.

“I raised her for a while, almost adopted her, but then Chloe came back clean, and she took her to Arizona. Giving her up was…” She shakes her head and wipes a tear and Abby feels awful for her. “Well, it hurt so much that I transferred my residency out there.”

Susan clears her throat and goes back to her cheesecake.

“So, why’d you come back?” Abby finally asks, quietly, in case she’s done speaking, but her friend shrugs and answers.

“Dix and I had broken up and they moved. I realized I can’t follow my sister around forever instead of living my own life. I still love her like my own, and we call each other all the time, but I have to live the life that will make me happy.”

Abby never realized she and Susan might actually have a lot in common, family-wise. It’s a gift, to have a friend that sees her vulnerability and offers something of herself in return. Though they haven’t spent that much time together, it feels significant. “Thanks, Susan.”

As they finish dessert they fall into a comfortable silence that Abby doesn’t break until after they ask for the check.

“So is Chuck making you happy?”

“Yes, and…well, I wanted to talk to you about that. I feel really bad, but…”

“You’re kicking me out, right?”

“No! I mean, I was going to ask if you wouldn’t mind letting us have the room. If you don’t want to stay with Luka, the front desk said they’ll give you the group rate on one of their vacant rooms, and I’ll cover half if you need me to.”

Wow. She really put a lot of thought into that. “I…thanks. I’ll talk to Luka and figure something out.”

Susan winces. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t expect this.”

“No, it’s fine. Really, Susan. I’m happy for you.”

Truly, she is. It just means that she has to make a decision to make staying with Luka official, or not, and either way seems like a statement. Hopefully, he’s on the same page.

Oh no, what if he’s not on the same page?

He’s down at the pool now, where there are probably a lot of beautiful women in bikinis, women who, presumably, have eyes and can see him. Women who don’t share the kind of baggage they share.

Luka likes their baggage, she tries to tell herself, but there’s a kernel of doubt now.

Susan heads to the ground-level bar to meet up with Chuck and Abby finds herself walking back to Susan’s room far faster than usual.

 

* * *

 

 

After Luka has finished some laps, he heads back, hoping Abby’s already in their room. To his pleasant surprise, when the elevator doors open, she’s inside.

“Hey!”

“Hey, yourself. Have a good swim?”

“Yes,” he answers. She’s giving him an odd look, but he doesn’t want to call her on it while this other couple is with them. When they get off on the fifth floor, he finally asks.

“What?”

“Have you been walking around the hotel like that?”

“Like what?” He looks down at his chest, which is of course bare, he was swimming after all, and down to the towel draped around his hips.

“You look like you just got out of the shower.”

Swimming does tend to make one wet. “What? I’m wearing a towel.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem. It looks like you’re naked under there.” Her cheeks are a little pink now. She’s adorable.

“Well, you gave me a hard time about my bathing suit, so I covered up.”

“Yeah, this is worse.”

“Why?” He recognizes that gleam in her eye, so he takes the risk and steps closer. “Is it too much for you?”

“Hmph.” Abby’s hand lands on his stomach and she evilly swipes her thumb back and forth. “I suppose I’m not, um, immune to jealousy myself.”

The trail her hand is tracking is forgotten momentarily in the delight of that. “Really?” A delighted grin breaks across his face and he doesn’t even try to stop it.

It earns him a swat and a roll of her eyes. Leaning down, he cups her chin in one hand. “You don’t have any reason to be jealous.”

There’s another half-hearted attempt to roll her eyes, but she gives up when he lowers his mouth to hers and clutches at him tightly.

“You don’t have to be so smug about it.”

Oh, yes he does. After all this time of going insane with jealousy over Carter? Hell yes, he’s going to feel no small amount of satisfaction that she cares enough to envy other women. Over _him._

“Sorry,” he says, though he’s not in the least, and he kisses her again, deeper this time, until she’s gasping against his mouth and combing her nails across his scalp in that way he loves.

“Wait,” she says against his mouth, and he makes himself retreat. “I need to talk to you before we get carried away.”

Personally, he’s all for getting carried away, but hadn’t he been saying that morning that talking is good for them?

“Okay.”

“Susan wants Chuck to stay with her the rest of the trip.”

“Okay…” Luka isn’t sure what that has to do with them. “Do you think that’s a bad idea?”

“No, I just, um…” She bites her lip and looks down, leaving him even more bewildered. “I can go get a room, Susan asked and they have vacancies, if I’m not staying with you.”

“I thought you _were_ staying with me.” Shit, does she already want her own space after less than 24 hours? That doesn’t bode well.

“I am, but I wanted to make sure that you’re okay with me staying for good, the whole time, and that…if it’s too much pressure, I can go get another room, it’s fine, but I—“ She’s babbling, and that means she’s nervous.

Before she can spin out, he grabs her hands and squeezes. “Stay. With me.”

“Okay,” she murmurs, squeezing back.

The doors open then, and he holds onto her left hand as they head down the hall. They’re almost to the room when she speaks again, talking quickly like she’s scared to say the words out loud.

“Luka, so you know, this isn’t…you’re not just a rebound.”

Well, that’s good, though he hadn’t really thought he was, so he’s not sure where she’s going with this. “Okay.” He raises his eyebrows at her.

“And, um…I would…if you want to, I mean…I would like us to try again. Once we get home, I mean.”

It’s after nine, but the sun just rose to shine on him. Oh, thank God.

“Really?”

She fumbles with the key to Susan’s room, looking away from him. “Yeah. If…if you want. Okay, I’m going to get my stuff.”

She huffs in frustration after the third try to slide the card into the slot doesn’t work, and he holds out his hand. “May I help?”

“Please.”

Gathering up her things in record time, they head back to what is now officially their room. It’s fortunate his hands are full of her things, really, or they might not have made it inside. As it is, her shirt is half off before the door even swings shut.

They’re on the bed in seconds, and he’s clutching her with a desperate need that almost scares him in its intensity (seriously, he might need a lifetime for it to fade), kissing between pauses to shed the last of their clothes. Abby scrambles on top of him and he kisses her like he’s starving, letting one hand roam over the smooth expanse of her back, down her side, to the flare of her hip, as the other tugs at her hair and she shivers and gasps.

“Do you really think we should be doing this?”

Thrown for a second, he pauses before everything registers: she’s asking this in bed, naked, while kissing him and smiling. What she wants isn’t to run, it’s reassurance that he’s in. Oh, he is all in.

Luka grabs her by the waist and flips her onto her back in one quick motion. Staring down into the dark eyes he loves as they twinkle back at him, he smiles, heart aching with tenderness for her.

His answer is full of all the solemnity and promise of a vow: “I do.” As custom demands, he seals it with a kiss, and more.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Luka enjoy their time together, relaxing and reuniting, but a few things come to interrupt and make things a bit awkward. And Luka starts to earn the fic's title.

Abby wakes slowly the next morning, warm and comfortable, happier than she’s been in a long time. She reaches across the bed, eyes still closed, but finds nothing and frowns. Her eyes pop open when the bathroom door opens and Luka comes back in. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He smiles apologetically, and she finds herself smiling back despite her lingering tiredness. He heads straight to the small coffee pot and pours two cups that he must have already brewed. 

A handsome, scantily clad man making and bringing her coffee in bed? That’s the dream. 

He climbs back onto the bed and waits for her to sit up against the wall before handing hers to her. 

“Mm. Thanks.” 

She leans against him slightly as she drinks in silence and tries to wake fully. It’s so nice to  _ be _ with him. He keeps looking at her, and it would probably annoy her if his eyes weren’t so soft. When it happens the fifth or sixth time, she finally has to ask. “What?” 

He ducks his head sheepishly. “I missed how grumpy and out of it you are first thing. You’re cute.” 

Abby bites her lip at the rush of feeling then, how he accepts her as she is, how he actually likes things about her that most would consider flaws. Almost like how she thought love would be.  

Oh. 

_ Oh. _

That ought to be a revelation, but as she turns it over in her mind, there’s no surprise. She’s been too scared to examine it, but it’s obvious now. Luka loves her.  

Luka loves her.  

And she… 

“Do you want to go downstairs to get breakfast? Or I can go get it and bring it back here.” 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I need to call Janet anyway.” At his questioning looks, she adds, “Coburn. She’s my sponsor and I promised I would check in.” 

He still looks confused as he nods, and she sighs internally. She’s going to have to teach him several things so this can work. 

Janet’s relieved to hear from her. She runs through their usual checklist, making sure Abby has a plan for any cravings that come up. Then, tentatively, Abby tells her about Luka.  

There’s one thing about having her for a sponsor--she doesn’t mince her words. Abby’s prepared for a certain amount of judgment. The rumors flying around the hospital about Luka have not been kind, and he and Coburn have butted heads occasionally over patient care as well. But Janet gamely puts on her objective voice and sticks to her usual script, asking Abby how she feels about it, and making sure she is okay.

Their call is winding down when Luka shows back up, tray in hand with bagels and fruit.  

“Forgive me for putting on my OB-GYN hat for just a moment, but you are being safe, aren’t you? Contraception, condoms, all of that, right?” 

In spite of her work experience, she blushes. Usually she’s the one giving the lecture. 

“No need to worry about that, we’re practically an afterschool special over here.” 

They say their goodbyes, hang up, and Abby gladly climbs back onto the bed with Luka. She appreciates Janet, and the process of the program. She needs the structure. But it does feel awfully intrusive sometimes. 

She has a mouthful of bagel and cream cheese when Luka speaks.  

“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, I promise. But what’s an afterschool special?” 

She chuckles a little at him even as her cheeks heat. “When I was growing up, they’d run these things on TV about healthy living. Like don’t do drugs, don’t talk to strangers, no means no, um, practice safe sex.” 

“Ah. She was asking you about that?” 

“Well, I told her about us, and you know, she sometimes has a hard time shutting off the doctoring. Don’t pretend you don’t know how that goes, I see you trying to nudge that cantaloupe over here.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He pauses before he goes deadly serious. “We probably do need to talk about it. I have been tested and I’m clear so far. But with my, uh, recent—“ 

“Luka, you don’t have to explain all that to me, you know. If you want to talk about it, we can, but we don’t have to. And I’m clean, too.” 

“Just let me say this part. I know before, you were on the pill and we didn’t use anything else, but after the thing with Nicole, I—“  

She flinches before she can stop herself. At his concerned look, she can tell he’s about to address that, but she shakes her head. “No, go on with what you were saying.” 

Nicole isn’t a topic she’s eager to address. It still hurts how quickly he’d jumped into bed with her, especially after flirting with her in front of Abby the night they broke up. He’d made a child with her, thought about  _ marrying _ her, not that he’d looked happy about it. Then of course, there’s the terminated real pregnancy that Luka doesn’t think was real. It’s the one thing Nicole was right about—he doesn’t deserve to have to know, and Abby doesn’t really have the right to tell him anyway. It still feels wrong not to. The timing of it, though, makes it possible that he wasn’t even the father, and that helps her to hold her tongue. 

He’s eyeing her carefully when he goes on. “Well, I learned my lesson. I’ve used protection ever since, but some of my, uh, encounters were still not wise. I don’t want to put you at risk, so we should probably keep being, uh, safe.” 

“Yeah, okay.”  

“About Nicole,” he grabs her hand when she starts to turn away. “No, listen. You’re right that we have to talk this time. I didn’t move on from you that fast. I hope you know that now.” 

Yeah, that’s fair. She had thought that at the time, but now, she knows he’s been pining.  

“I was sad and lonely and drunk, and I let her seduce me, and then I tried to make it work. You were right that it was naïve. I still don’t know why the whole thing happened.” 

“Uh, I can think of a few reasons.” 

At his quizzical look, she rolls her eyes. 

“Come on, Luka. She was coming onto you, strong, even with me right there before we broke up. She was pretty, and you were maybe a little vulnerable, you were single.”  

If thinking about it still makes Abby want to yank the pretty blond hairs from her head, well, he doesn’t need to hear that detail. 

“You’re prettier. When I said what I said, I was hurt and I was trying to hurt you back.” 

“I knew that. It still worked.”  

“I’m sorry. I think I was also trying to make you jealous. Just to know you felt something.” 

“Well, mission accomplished. I felt a burning desire to claw her eyes out.” 

She can’t decide whether to smack him or laugh at his little smirk.  

“I’m sorry about that, too. But I meant that I don’t know why she picked me.” 

What’s safe to say? It could be that she already was pregnant and wanted to find a partner fast, could be that she heard the word doctor and saw dollar signs even though an ER specialty really isn’t the option for that, it could be that she saw an easy target, or a combination of all three.  

She snorts. Luka’s also overlooking the painfully obvious, and she decides to go with that. 

“Well, Luka. Speaking of pretty, you’re very, very pretty.”  

He rolls his eyes at her.

“No, seriously, think about it. All those women. Did you even have to try once?” 

The blush and loss for words speaks for him and she smirks as she puts a hand on his bicep. 

“It can’t bother you that I think you’re hot.” 

He scoffs at her. “Of course not, I just don’t like thinking that’s all I have to offer.” 

God, does he really think that? 

“Of course that’s not all you have to offer.” Her lips twitch and she can’t help but tease him. “You’re also pretty decent in bed.” 

He laughs but surprises her by pouncing on her and tickling her sides until she gives up. “Okay, okay.” 

Luka quirks an eyebrow and, truly: the prettiness cannot be overstated. She brushes his hair off his forehead. 

“And you’ve got a kind heart.” 

He leans down to press a kiss behind her ear.  

His hum makes her shiver as he moves down her neck and slides her spaghetti strap off her shoulder. 

“Wait,” she says before she forgets. “I, uh, I can’t right now.” 

He immediately pulls back to sit on his heels. “Everything okay?” 

“It’s fine, I’m just a little sore and need us to do something other than what we’ve spent most of the last 24 hours doing.” They kept it to once last night, but it’s still a lot of activity.

“You would tell me if I were hurting you, wouldn’t you?” 

“You’re not hurting me, Luka. Promise.” 

“Maybe you should drink some water.” 

“Oh my god, Luka. If you start kicking me out of bed to pee every time we have sex, I’m going to start calling you Dr. Kovac in bed.” 

His eyes go a little too dark at that, and wow, he actually likes the thought. 

“Mm, I can call you Nurse Lockhart, too. Especially if you break out that costume.” 

“It was a rental, and for the last time, I was NOT a slutty nurse.” 

“In my head you were.” He runs a finger under her spaghetti strap to pull it back on her shoulder, taking his sweet time.  

* * *

 

They spend a while lounging around, cuddling and kissing and talking,  _ actually talking.  _ It’s the happiest Luka has been since…he’s not sure when. Years, certainly. Being this close, this intimate, and sharing feelings and touch without agenda, it’s almost better than the sex. 

Almost. 

Kissing her alone is blissful, but as they usually do, they start to get a little heated. The hunger in Abby’s eyes delights him no small amount. He can tell she’s struggling, though, so he suggests they head to the pool. 

Abby scoffs. “Yeah, because that won’t get us hot and bothered.” 

Like there’s anything that won’t make them that way right now? “We’ll be in public, and if you get too distracted by my charm, I promise to throw you in the pool myself.” 

They take their time applying sunscreen (unnecessarily, since he has the spray kind, but where’s the fun in that?). They manage to control themselves. As soon as they get to the pool and deposit their things on some chairs, he dives in. It’s his usual habit.  

Once he does a couple laps, he surfaces to see Abby sitting on the side of the pool, tentatively dipping her toes in. 

“It’s cold.” 

“Just jump in, you’ll get used to it faster.” 

“I know, people always say that. I know it’s true, but it’s easier to do when it’s 90 degrees outside and I’m hot.” 

He swims up and rubs the single foot that’s now dangling in the water. “You’re always hot.” 

Her foot kicks out at his hand. “Smartass.” 

“If it doesn’t work, I won’t let you freeze, I promise. There’s always body heat.” She really isn’t so hard to read now, the fondness is evident to him despite her faux-annoyed and skeptical look. “Come on, trust me. Jump into the deep end.” 

She gives him a look as she stands up, and he thinks she’s about to head to the lounge, but instead, she dives in right next to him. He watches her swim the length of the pool and then back to him, admiring her graceful form. As he’s lost in a daydream of taking her home to Croatia and swimming with her in his favorite spot, she takes advantage of his distraction, launches up out of the water, and shoves his shoulders down. 

He surfaces, spitting out nasty chlorine water, to her laughter. 

“Now you’re in for it.”  

Abby shrieks as she starts swimming toward the shallow end, and he grins. He loves this woman. 

 

****

After they wear themselves out at the pool, then warm themselves in the sun and eat, they head back to his room to shower and nap. It’s so easy, here, when it’s just the two of them. He’s still a little unsure how Abby will react when the outside world intrudes, but they never really got to relax together like this for so long before. 

Luka wakes to find Abby’s hand under his shirt, tracing circles across his stomach and he groans. She’s kissing him before he even opens his eyes, and he reaches down to grab and pull her on top of him.  

“I’ve been waiting ten minutes for you to get up.” 

“Well, I’m up now,” he says, pulling her to him to emphasize his point. They’re both already panting, but he hesitates. “Are you sure you’re ready?” 

“I’ll be fine by tonight, but probably should hold off for now. That doesn’t mean you have to.” 

His sleep-addled brain doesn’t catch her meaning until she slides down him, kissing his chest along the way. His eyes roll back in his head as he weaves his fingers into her hair and she makes him completely lose his mind. 

* * *

 

Abby can’t help but feel smug. Watching Luka struggle for words isn’t an uncommon occurrence, but she thinks she might have made him temporarily lose his ability to speak English.  

She giggles at him still trying to catch his breath. “Did I blow your mind?” 

He laughs lightly even as he shakes his head at her. “You just wait. When you’re ready, I’m gonna, um.” 

It’s so fun to tease him like this, but the way he’s running his hand up and down her side feels too good. She snuggles into his chest and basks.

“What were you saying?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You were speaking Croatian before.” 

Luka doesn't answer, so she pulls back and finds that he's blushing. “What? Too dirty to tell me in English?” 

He looks down and bites his lip. “Something like that.” 

It’s clearly something else, and her stomach flip flops.  

“Reciprocate.” 

“Huh?” 

“The word I was looking for when I was still out of it. Tonight, I’m going to reciprocate your mind out.” 

He’s so proud of himself for the word play that she can’t even correct him. 

“Can’t wait.” 

She flops down on him again, and he caresses her shoulder.  

The tinny ring of a cell phone interrupts, and Luka sighs but doesn’t comment as she sits up. 

Abby picks up the ringing phone from the bedside table and flips it open without looking. 

“Hello?” 

“He—“ There’s a long pause and Abby’s about to hang up when the man continues. “Abby?” 

“Uh, Carter?” 

What could he want? Luka gets up himself then, and she smirks at him putting his pants back on, as if Carter can hear his nakedness through the phone. Though, she is thankful she’s still dressed, talking to him while in bed with Luka is weird enough as it is. 

“What are you--? Why?” 

Carter’s rarely at a loss for words on the phone, and it makes her wonder if he has bad news to impart. “What’s up, Carter?” 

“Why are you answering—“ he cuts off with a scoff. “Of course. Of course you are.” He’s muttering now. 

Seriously, WHAT is his problem? 

“What do you want?  _ You _ called  _ me _ .” 

Luka’s watching with a dark look now, and oh, she really hopes this doesn’t turn into an argument that Luka will feel inclined to weigh in on. 

“No. No, I didn’t call  _ you,”  _ Carter’s pissy now, and she’s going to hang up if he doesn’t knock it off.

“Yeah, you called and I answered and—“ Wait. 

She pulls the phone away and cringes when she sees the black case. Hers is silver. Luka’s is black. 

SHIT.  

“Shit, shit, shit,” She mouths to herself. Why, oh  _ why _ didn’t she check? 

Luka comes over and she turns the phone around to show him. He stills as realization and then horror flash across his face and he quietly hisses out a string of Croatian. She catches the gist. 

At least now there’s someone else who looks as uncomfortable as she is. 

“Oh,” she says, squirming in guilt.  

“Yeah.” 

Abby searches her mind and seizes on a lie that she could tell him to make this easier. They could have all had lunch together, or gone to the pool, or anything really, and picked up the wrong phones. It’s the afternoon, them being together doesn’t necessarily indicate what’s actually happening.  

But why? Because she feels guilty? Which, yeah, she does, she’s sure this is a terrible way to find out, and she feels like a heel for it. Now that it’s happened, though, what good will lying do? It probably is better for him to find out this way, even if it’s a shock, than to figure it out by watching them together at work as they laugh and talk and steal moments together, isn’t it?  

Which is how Luka probably found out about her and Carter. Which led—or at least helped push—him into a spiral of terrible choices.  

Now she feels even worse. Shit. 

“I, um, guess you were calling for Luka.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

Great, now he has that ugly tone in his voice that says not only is he pissed, he has a right to be. She takes a cleansing breath because she knows that, however his decisions hurt her, he’s been hurt by the failure of their relationship, too. It can’t be easy to think of her and Luka like this. 

As much as she’d like to hand this off so she doesn’t have to deal with him more, she’s not sure it’s a good idea for Luka and him to talk right this second. She can take another couple minutes of Carter. Maybe.

“So, how have  _ you  _ been?” 

Or maybe not. The words are innocent, but his tone is full of venom. He’s lashing out in pain, and she wants to strike back. The evil desire to tell him just how fantastic she's been the past 24 hours is hard to suppress.

“I’ve been fine. I was going to meetings back home, and talking to my sponsor. Haven’t had a drink in a little over three weeks, in fact.” 

Okay, so that’s a little below the belt, but she can tell from the silent judgment screaming through the phone that he thinks this was some drunken hookup. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Carter snorts and she closes her eyes, wishing for an extra measure of patience. 

Luka taps her arm, and she opens her eyes to find him holding out his hand. 

“Are you sure?” 

He nods grimly.  

“Hi, Carter.” 

It drives her crazy that she can’t tell whether or not Carter’s being a jerk to him. Luka’s maintaining a steady, solemn expression as Carter delivers whatever message he had.  

“Alright, I’ll call them tomorrow. Thanks for letting me know. Okay, bye.”   

He pulls the phone slightly away to hang up and they stare at each other for a minute.

“Luka, I’m so sorry, I heard the ring, I didn’t even think to check. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I didn’t check.”

“It was an accident, Abby, it’s okay.”

He sits down on the bed and she joins him. 

“From now on, Maggie or Eric or whoever can leave me a voicemail if they want something.”

“Yeah, me too.” 

“What  _ did _ he want?”

Luka hesitates and her stomach churns. “The Alliance du Medicins, they called, there was some question about something in my paperwork.”

It’s a gut punch. She completely forgot about that. The question almost pops out  _ You’re still doing that? _ Of course he is. They’ve only been back together for a couple days. But the thought of it, of him being so far from her and in such an unstable situation, makes her want to puke.

“When, um, when do you leave?”

“Beginning of May.”

“How long are you planning to stay?”

The long pause makes her turn to stare at him as he avoids looking directly at her. 

“I don’t know yet.”

“I saw the packet, you have to give a time. Carter said a month.”

“You have to give a time amount if you’re not, um…”

Gah, sometimes getting words out of him is worse than pulling teeth. “Not  _ what,  _ Luka?”

“Not staying indefinitely.”

He winces as he says it, and it takes a minute to fully register what he means.

“You’re not--you’re not coming  _ back? _ ”

“No, I am, Abby. But before, I hadn’t, um, I hadn’t decided.”

Her brain starts moving then, catching up and speeding ahead. “Is this because of me? Me and Carter?”

That is clearly an answer he doesn’t want to give, which is answer enough. 

“Not entirely. I...I don’t belong here--well, Chicago--anymore, if I ever did. I can’t do anything right. I nearly killed Erin, I did kill that kid. I keep pissing Kerry off and it would be a lot easier on her if she didn’t have to handle me. Any doctor could take my spot and County would barely even notice.”

Her heart cracks as she listens, hating that he feels worthless. 

“Abby, I just, I want to wake up in the morning and know that something I do that day matters to someone. I don’t feel that anymore. In the Congo, I can help.”

“Luka, you’re a wonderful doctor. Weaver worries about any unconventional doctoring, but I know you’ve saved lives because of it. And she…” She wants to explain about Kerry’s miscarriage, but it isn’t hers to tell. “She went through something, something emotional and medical, that I can’t tell you about. It’s not really about you. Okay?”

It’s likely that he guesses from that alone, but he searches her face for the truth of that statement and nods in understanding. 

“Isn’t fleeing the continent a pretty drastic solution?”

He smiles wryly. “I suppose so, but this isn’t my continent.”

“Are you going to give all the continents a try before settling?” 

The sarcasm probably doesn’t cover how upset she is, because he looks at her tenderly.

“I’ll come back, Abby.”

The promise makes her eyes sting. She’s not sure what else she’s expecting. It’s not fair to ask him not to go at all, no matter how much she wants to. She wants Luka to be okay, wants him to know he matters. She just doesn’t know how to help him see that he does, or how to help him over the guilt he carries for so many things. She can’t possibly be enough reason in the face of all that.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll call them when we get home, and I’ll tell them I’m going for a month.”

Luka grabs her then, pulling her closer to his side, and she leans against his shoulder, trying not to think about how much can happen in a month.

 

* * *

 

****

Luka can’t stop kicking himself. He’d all but forgotten about the Alliance in the past couple weeks, and he completely forgot to talk to Abby about it.

He’s torn on going. He does want to help and work has been, well, unfulfilling doesn’t cover it, plus he doesn’t want to leave them shorthanded, but: Abby. She’s more than enough reason to stay. He doesn’t know how to tell her that without freaking her out.

She’s freaking out enough as it is. 

Oh, she’s covering with her usual stoic, sarcastic deflection, but he can see the panic in her eyes. Even if he couldn’t, the energy with which she’s dragging him from site to site is impressive and out of character. She even goes on about Celine Dion’s upcoming residency, and offers to scope out the theater with him to see if they could catch a glimpse. 

If she’d slow down and let him hold her, they could avoid this whole charade.

Thankfully, it’s about 5:30, and they’re meeting Chuck and Susan for dinner in an hour. He manages to herd Abby back toward their room so they can get ready.  

She’s got some anger mixed in with the fear. The knowing, slightly-evil look she gives him as she comes out of the bathroom in two scraps of black lace that he supposes would generously be called “underwear” and then slowly slips into her tight jeans and the same purple top she wore their first night here testifies to that.

He adjusts the sleeves on his leather jacket. “If you don’t want to go, we can cancel. Stay here and talk.”

Both options are iffy, with the weird mood she’s in, but he needs to figure out what the deal is.

“I’m not ready to talk yet.”

“Abby,” he sighs and turns to look at her.

“I’m not running away from it. I just—I know I don’t have any right to be this upset about it, but I don’t want to—“

To lose him. She doesn’t say it, but the words are in her face. He moves to hold her then, and bends to kiss her gently, but she isn’t having it. She nips at his lip before yanking him hard by the neck and he stumbles before recovering. Her hands slide up under his jacket and push it off his shoulders. She feels amazing, and he gets lost for a moment in her tongue sliding against his and her hands sliding under his shirt.

“Are you sure? I thought you needed…”

“I’m fine, Luka,  _ please _ .” 

The slight beg settles it, no way can he resist that. He lets her push him onto the bed and climb onto him as he runs his hands all over her the way he wanted to the last time she wore this. It’s unbelievably hot the way she’s all over him, touching and kissing him fiercely. But his heart aches at the need and desperation in her clinging. She’s trying to claim him. Staring into her eyes, he tries to show her he’s already hers. 

Afterward, she’s shaking in his arms and he realizes: Abby loves him.

He knew already. He just couldn’t let himself believe it, not with everything that happened. But with her panic now, it’s clear. The confession is on the tip of his tongue, but he stops himself. A post-coital declaration isn’t special enough for Abby.

So he rubs his hand up and down her back and kisses her head. She calms slowly, seeming in no hurry to get up, and he kisses her neck. It’s a mistake if they’re trying to make dinner on time. He can’t help but get carried away, tempted by her smooth skin and the growing volume of the noises she’s making. 

“Luk—Oh! Oh, we’re going to be late.”

He lifts his head and wiggles his eyebrows at her as he leans his cheek on her hip. “Want me to stop?” Not playing fair, he slides his hand under her thigh and squeezes.

There’s a breathless laugh as she shakes her head and whispers “Don’t you dare.” He is happy to oblige.

 

****

Abby’s right, they are running more than twenty minutes late. 

“Susan is going to tease us and it’s your fault.”

“Hey, you started it.”

She reapplies her lipstick and fixes her hair. He holds out her jacket for her once she’s done.

“Well, you sure did finish it.”

He grins. “Is that a complaint?” 

She doesn’t answer, only rolls her eyes as they head into the hallway. Her pink cheeks and the small smile she can’t quite hide show how she really feels. 

 

On the elevator, she stands in front of him and leans back against his chest. 

She’s finally relaxed. If that’s what it takes to calm her, he’s more than happy to put in the work to keep her that way.

Oh, he knows they have to talk about it, but at least she’s not stiff as a board anymore. The clinging is still going on, so he knows she’s not past it, but he’s not complaining—she could wrap herself around him like a koala 24/7 and that would be fine by him.

They make their way to one of the nicer in-house restaurants and find the table, apologies spilling from Abby. Luka doesn’t join in, he can’t be believably sorry, and Susan and Chuck don’t look upset at all. In fact, they’re beaming. That’s sweet, if a little strange.

Chuck dominates the conversation as they quickly order and get their food. He’s a funny guy. Susan’s never looked happier, either. It’s nice, but Luka’s still having trouble paying much attention to anyone other than Abby.

He can tell Susan’s shooting weird looks at them and the way they can’t stop touching each other, but doesn’t care in the least. When dessert comes, Susan and Chuck share a meaningful look and drop a bomb.

“So, we have news,” Susan says, biting her lip nervously.

News? They’ve been together all of two days, what news can they possibly have?

“We’re getting married. Tonight.”

Well, that IS news. Abby turns to him in shock, before whipping her head back toward their friend. 

“Tonight?  _ Why?! _ ” 

Shit, she needs to chill before she really hurts Susan’s feelings.

Chuck shrugs and winks at Luka. “When you know, you know, right?”

“Ah…”

“Look, Abby, I know it’s spontaneous and crazy, but it’s something I really want, and I’d like you to be there.”

Susan and Abby share a long, intense look. Abby works her jaw as she shoves her own protests down.

“Of course we’ll be there. Just tell us where and when and what you need us to do.”

“Thanks, Abby. We’re going to change and I need the whole ‘something borrowed, something blue,’ deal. Do you have anything I can borrow?”

Luka has no idea what they’re talking about, but Abby tells Susan she’ll loan her her necklace and they’ll find ‘something new and something blue’ for her and meet them at the chapel. Luka offers to cover the dinner tab and they leave.

To Abby’s credit, she manages to hold it in until Chuck and Susan leave the restaurant before turning to him in dismay.

“What the hell? What do we do?”

“Well, we aren’t going to stop them.”

“But, Luka, it’s crazy! They’ve only known each other for a couple of days! He could be an axe murderer for all we know.”

“He’s not an axe murderer.” He puts his hands up at Abby’s glare. “It’s really unlikely. There are a lot of people on the trip who know and like him.”

“Then he should marry one of them.”

Thankfully, the server takes their check and Luka follows Abby out. For someone with such short legs, she can make good time when she’s fired up. He listens to her rant for a couple of minutes before stopping her.

“Hey,” he squeezes her shoulder. “What do you want to do?”

She looks up at him with pleading eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t want her to get stuck in something she’s going to regret.”

“I think,” he says slowly, treading carefully. “It’s possible to regret these things no matter how long you take. You planned your wedding to Richard, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, and I did it for all the wrong reasons, and look how it worked out.”

“Look, I think they want to do something fun and crazy, and they hope that maybe it will work out. If it doesn’t, they’ll get divorced. It’s not the wisest decision, maybe, but not the worst either.”

She kind of half nods and traipses off to find their weird blue thing. At least she’s momentarily forgotten about him leaving.

After she picks out a bouquet of fake blue flowers that makes him grimace, but really is the only option, they head to the chapel.

Susan and Chuck aren’t anywhere to be seen, so they sit on a bench in the waiting area.

“What was that ‘when you know, you know,’ wink-wink, nudge-nudge thing at you?”

“I think he meant he knows Susan is the one.” Which Luka hopes is true, even if it seems a bit unlikely. They’re getting into fairly dangerous territory and he’s starting to get annoyed at Chuck and Susan for causing it.

“I mean, I guess I get doing this if you’re dating, but they’re strangers, not even friends. It’s not like they’re—“

He looks up sharply at her unspoken “us”, and she holds his gaze for a moment before blushing and looking away.

“Abby, are we okay?”

She sighs at the subject change.

“I guess I’m still processing.”

“Which part are you upset about? About me going now or that I was going to stay for a while?”

She swallows hard and he can see her wanting to run. He puts his hand over hers and waits.

“I, um, I know I don’t have the right to be so upset that you were going to do that when I was with Carter. But, Luka, you were going to leave the country to get away from me. Even if we were just friends that still hurts.”

“When we were friends last year, it was enough, you know. Well, not enough, but enough reason to stay. But when you got with Carter, we weren’t really friends like before and with the distance between us and having to watch, I couldn’t do it Abby, not forever. I was going to tell you, I wouldn’t just leave.”

“What happens if we fight again? We bottled everything up the first time, and the night we broke up was our first real open, two-sided fight. What if you decide to stay away?”

“No! I--no. That was different. You didn’t want me, Abby, or you didn’t want to, and I knew that. You wanted out. Now, I know you want me. Don’t you?”

She nods and her eyes glisten, and he can’t help but put his arm around her. 

“Then I’m not giving up so easy this time.”

“Neither of us are exactly a picnic, are we?”

He kisses her head, hoping that means she’s okay now.

“You were going to marry Nicole because you got her pregnant. Well, you thought you did.”

Apparently she’s not okay yet.

“I thought about it, yeah, for the baby.”

“What if I had gotten pregnant?”

Shit, where the _hell_ are Susan and Chuck? 

He opens his mouth before shaking his head and giving up. It had been half of what broke his heart at the time, the what if of how different it would have been if it were Abby. 

“Honestly?”

She nods.

“I would have hoped that it would convince you to marry me.”

The tears spill over then and she leans into his chest as he thanks God that she didn’t knock a hole in the wall running away. 

“I’m scared shitless we’ll screw this up again.”

“We won’t, Abby. What scares you: that I’ll choose to stay over there? Or that I’ll be in danger?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not going to choose to stay away from you, I promise. I wasn’t sure that I  _ could _ , anyway. As for danger, there are no guarantees in Chicago, either, you know that.”

He doesn’t want to be away from her at all. But he’s made a commitment and needs to stick to it.

“I know you can’t promise me you’ll be safe. I mean, we both know even marriage isn’t a guarantee of forever, I just don’t like the idea of you being so far away and not being safe.”

_ Marriage _ . Damn, he’s been able to shove down those hopes and live for the moment, but now that Abby’s saying it? 

“I don’t want to be far from you either. But I promise, I’ll come back to you. And I’ll be careful.”

How, how can he show her? Reassure her? He cups her cheek and she leans into his hand. 

“Sir? Ma’am? Are you all next?”

A sweet looking lady with gray hair is smiling at them. They hadn’t even noticed her approaching from the desk.

“Our friends are coming, they’re the ones who are…” He trails off at a brief, unguarded glint of longing in Abby’s eye. 

Neither of them sees that the clerk gives them a knowing look and moves away as he ducks down toward Abby.

Is it actually possible she could want this?

It’s so stupid, impossibly stupid. It might also be the best possible idea he’s ever had.

She’ll say no. He knows she will, but if it even helps her feel more secure about his feelings, it’s worth it. And if she doesn’t say no…

He moves even closer and takes her hand.

“Abby, would you want—“ 

Nerves nearly choke him, but there’s a flash of hope in her eyes, and it makes him blurt out the rest.

“We should get married...?”

********  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so you had to know I was going there. ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby answers the fateful question.

“We should get married.”

****

Abby stares at him. Is he actually asking? For real?

****

“I—are you—are you serious? You can’t be serious.”

****

“I’m serious.”

****

Shit, he  _ is.  _ He really means it.

****

“Luka, why?”

****

“Because, Abby, because all I have wanted since that night you first kissed me is you. I know I haven’t always shown that the best way, but it’s the truth.”

****

“I, but we...we didn’t work before.” 

****

Losing him hurt enough the first time, way more than she expected. Even dating again is scary, because she could lose him again. Though, staying away hurt them even worse in the long run.

****

“We were scared before, we didn’t know how much we meant to each other. Look, we could wait ten or twenty years, chasing each other around and being scared, waiting for things to be perfect.”

****

“But this is crazy, Luka, it’s crazy.”

****

“I know. I know it is. But think—what if we didn’t have to be afraid? If we know whatever we say or do, or wherever we go, if we know it’s not the end?”

****

Oh, he knows her weak spot. Not being afraid? Abby can’t imagine living like that. Her life is a ball of constant fear, dreading a myriad of awful things and then reacting to the ones that happen. Trying to keep the other ones from happening.

****

Luka’s right. Every choice she’s made about the two of them has been based in fear. Fear that she cares too much, fear that she’ll get in too deep and be too in love with him and he won’t love her back as much, fear that he’ll break her heart. Carter felt—she’d cared for him, of course—but he felt like someone she could be with without the fear of the water rising over her head. Every choice she’s made, aside from choosing Luka the first time, up until now with choosing him again, has been wrong.

****

And oh, she wants it. She wants him so badly it aches.

****

“Are you sure?”

****

Luka reaches down to hold her face with both hands. “I want us to be together, more than anything. Yes, I’m sure. Please, Abby.”

****

There’s something dangerous and alluring in the plaintive tone of his voice. Something that calls to her, that reminds her of him telling her to trust him, to jump into the deep end. And, God help her, she does.

****

So she jumps.

****

“This is insane. I don’t even want to think about what everybody’s going to say—“

****

“Are you saying yes?”

****

She bites her lip before shrugging and nodding, a nervous grin breaking through in spite of herself. “Okay. Yes.”

****

Joy breaks over Luka’s face like a wave and it bowls her over. 

****

That joy and excitement carries her straight through the paperwork and before she knows what’s happening, she’s facing Luka in front of a blue and gold chapel. She’s holding a bouquet of flowers from the chapel (anything is better than the ugly thing she had to grab for Susan). 

****

She’s waiting for the nerves and fight-or-flight to kick in, but they don’t. Instead, she’s strangely calm. It seems so simple here: she loves Luka, he loves her, and they should be together. It’s the most natural thing in the world.

****

Luka goes first, repeating the traditional vows with such truth in his face that when it’s her turn, the words come easily and feel right in her mouth and her heart.

****

They’re pronounced husband and wife and Abby does find herself reeling a little at that. He’s her  _ husband.  _ Then Luka’s mouth is on hers, and well, that makes everything right.

****

A clearing throat pulls them back to themselves and they disentangle but don’t look away from each other. Luka’s face is shining like the sun. It almost burns to look at him, but at the same time, she can’t stop.

****

“What the  _ hell?!” _ Susan’s shocked voice carries to her from the entrance and Abby snaps her head to look at her friend.

****

The look on Susan’s face makes her shrink back for a second. “Um, I guess we cut in line, but it’s your turn now…?”

****

Susan blinks rapidly before looking to Chuck. “Yeah, no. Sorry, that cured my momentary insanity.”

****

Abby and Luka (her  _ husband!) _ share a guilty look, but Chuck just laughs.

****

“Wow, uh, okay. Congratulations, guys,” he moves to shake Luka’s hand.

****

“Yeah. Congratulations,” Susan adds before mouthing  _ “Oh my god”  _ at Abby. 

****

Abby sighs internally. There’s a lot of explaining to do, she just isn’t up to it tonight. 

****

Fortunately, either Chuck needs to talk to Susan or he senses that they need to be alone. “Hey, Susie, why don’t we go get a drink and have a talk and let the newlyweds go enjoy their wedding night.” He gives Luka a cheesy wink and Abby feels her cheeks heat. “Unless you want us to go grab some rice to throw at you.”

****

“We’re good, thanks,” Abby says to Susan more than Chuck. Susan nods reluctantly, looking back at Abby as they go.

****

Abby and Luka stand there awkwardly before the clerk catches their attention to sign the wedding certificate.

****

The feeling of unreality is starting to fade along with her courage, but Luka’s hand is sure and strong in her own, and she pushes the rising anxiety away until they’re back in the room.

****

She leans back against the door after it clicks shut and stares at Luka. “Luka, what—“

****

He quiets her with a finger pressed to her lips. “Not tonight, hmm?”

****

The patience and quiet resignation in his face tell her two things: he knows she’s going to freak out, and he’s scared too. But he’s right, that’s not what their wedding night is about. 

****

It’s about them and the fact that they love each other.

****

A lump forms in her throat as she looks at Luka without even trying to hide a portion of how she feels. He stares at her like he’s searing this moment into his brain, before sliding his hands to cup her face and kissing her oh so tenderly.

****

The line pops into her mind as they move forward at a snail’s pace. Not tentative, but savoring. It comes from vows older and more poetic than the ones they’d taken earlier that evening, and Abby has never understood it until now.

****

_ “With my body, I thee worship.” _

****

* * *

****

In the morning, Abby wakes slowly, content and blissful. She looks over at Luka, peaceful in his sleep, still nearly smiling from the night before. The night before when they had—

****

Oh. Oh no. No, no, no, no, NO. 

****

Shit. 

****

They really, actually did that. They got married.  _ Married!  _ What the hell was she thinking?

****

She’s got to get out of the room, before Luka wakes. She has to think, and she can’t do that when Luka is touching her or looking at her with his eyes all soft and gooey. It makes her thoughts too fuzzy, and she needs clarity. Control. Easing herself off his arm, she manuevers herself off the bed and quietly gropes around for her clothes in the dark and sneaks to the bathroom to get dressed before grabbing her purse. He’s still asleep when the room door clicks shut behind her.

****

An hour later, she’s staring into a glass of vodka. It would be so easy. To anesthetize herself, to avoid feeling like she’s made a huge mistake. One that could wreck everything. She never wants to be this person, the one who rushes in without considering every possible downfall, the one who lets her feelings overtake her reason, even when it can hurt everyone around her as well as herself.

****

She doesn’t want to be Maggie.

****

Another half hour or so passes, and she’s still sitting at the bar, staring. The bartender has given up on conversation with her, but she hears him greet a new arrival. She doesn’t look even when they take the stool next to her.

****

“You okay?”

****

She’s too wound up to even scoff at the ridiculousness of that question.

****

“Nope. What the hell have I done?”

****

“You got married,” Susan answers. “Yay…?”

****

That startles a laugh out of Abby, and it feels good to release the tension. Even though she finds herself on the verge of tears now that she’s no longer frozen.

****

“What do I do now?”

****

“What do you want to do?”

****

Like it’s that simple.

****

“I don’t know.”

****

“Do you want help?”

****

Abby nods, words feeling like too much.

****

“The way I see it, you have a few options: You get an annulment. If you’ve consummated it, though, I don’t know if you can.” Abby gives her a look. “Okay, so you consummated it. You can get a divorce.”

****

That one makes her wince. Divorce is messy, and she never thought she’d be getting another one. Especially not from Luka. And if she tells him she wants a divorce, that’s the death knell of their relationship, isn’t it? She doesn’t want to lose him. Just thinking about it is how she even got into this mess.

****

“The last option is that you stay married.”

****

Married. They’re  _ married.  _ It sounds so final. So official. But the other two options—well, the one other option that’s available—is even less appealing.

****

“How do I even DO that? What would that look like?”

****

“I think that’s something you would have to decide. You and your husband. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.”

****

Husband conjures up Richard in her mind, along with a lot of unpleasant feelings. Her husband is Luka now, though, and for a second she can see it. How Luka would be as a husband, how he’d devote himself wholly to it, and she bites her lip. She wants it, and for now, she lets it wash over her.

****

It’s a few minutes before she can admit it. Susan orders a coffee in the meantime and sips like she’s got all the time in the world. Finally, Abby speaks.

****

“I don’t think I want a divorce. Is that crazy?”

****

She peeks at Susan from the corner of her eye.

****

Susan smiles and shakes her head.

****

“There are worse things than being in love with your husband, you know. That’s how it’s supposed to work, so I hear.”

****

Abby hasn’t said she’s in love, but apparently it’s obvious. That weirdly doesn’t bother her. They sit for a couple more minutes before it occurs to her to wonder how Susan knew to look for her.

****

“Oh no. Did Luka send you after me?”

****

Susan wrinkles her nose at being caught out. “Yeah. He’s worried, but he didn’t want to force you to talk to him if you weren’t ready.”

****

Abby looks down and realizes she still has a drink in front of her. She had forgotten. She pushes it back before standing.

****

“Can you let him know I’m okay? I still need some time to think. I’ll come find him when, uh, I’ll just come find him.”

********  
  


* * *

 

****

Luka’s heart sinks when he wakes to an empty bed. It was inevitable that Abby would freak out, he expected it. He had just hoped she would freak out with or at him instead of sneaking off. 

****

Marriage was too far. He knew it, knew he was pushing it, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying what he knows in his heart is the truth. They belong together.

****

Abby knows it, too, he knows she does. When she lets herself. But her fear is a powerful thing, much more so than he ever realized.

****

He has to let her freak out. That doesn’t sit well, but he has to let her come to him. Even if it drives him mad not to call her cell phone immediately.

****

When he gets out of a lengthy shower and she’s still not back, his panic ratchets up a few notches. Leaving her alone doesn’t account for the fact that she’s newly sober. Should he call Coburn? No, it’s not like she can do anything from Chicago.

****

He’s an idiot. He should have waited, should have kept his mouth shut. Why couldn’t he have watched Chuck and Susan get married and left it at that?

****

Abby was spiraling, that’s why. Thinking he was leaving her and worried about his safety and about them. He  _ had _ to reassure her. Because he loves her. And her level of fear makes it obvious that she loves him too. 

****

She loves him, he loves her, so to him, it’s simple. They should be together. Forever.

****

She loved him before though, if that’s the case, and she still ran. Maybe she didn’t know she loved him until after they broke up? Maybe she doesn’t know now.

****

It can all go horribly wrong. None of that matters if she’s not okay, though. He calls Susan and begs her help.

 

* * *

 

****

He shuts the door as Susan leaves. At least Abby’s okay.

****

Luka tries to honor her wishes, he really does, but after another hour of waiting and pacing, he can’t stay in the room anymore. He goes up to the observation deck of the hotel. If nothing else, it’s a new view to stare at while he waits.

****

Abby’s there, sitting on a bench, looking out at the view. She looks good, or at least not visibly drunk or upset or hurt, and he finds he can breathe deeply again. 

****

He’s trying to decide if he should approach or leave when she turns and sees him. Her mouth opens and he feels like a jerk for interrupting after she asked him for time.

****

“Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here, I’ll go.”

****

Even as he says it, he realizes part of him did wonder if she were here. That’s probably the part that led him here. 

****

“No, it’s fine. Stay. Please.”

****

He sits next to her on the bench, wanting to take her in his arms, but she looks nervous. She’s going to do it, she’s going to end it, he’s sure. Before she can tell him, he has to speak. He can’t let her go again, not when he’s never seen her as happy as she’s been the last few days.

****

“Listen, whatever you decide, it doesn’t have to be the end. If you need us to get an annulment or a divorce, then we…” He has to make himself take a deep breath and force the words out. “We can do that and still be together. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

****

“Is that what you want? A divorce?”

****

How can she ask that? Forever with her is ALL that he wants. Doesn’t she know that? He risks a sideways glance at her. She looks concerned, but that doesn’t give anything away.

****

“No,” is all he can manage. He’s surely about to lose her and oh, he can’t do it again. He’ll beg if he has to. 

****

She takes that in and he hears her sigh.

****

“I don’t either. Not if you don’t.”

****

Luka finally looks at her fully then. She does look agitated, wiggling in her seat, but her eyes are clear and her jaw is set in her determination. 

****

“It was crazy, and if you asked me today, I’m not sure I would do it again, but I don’t want to undo it either.”

****

That’s a lot to unpack, and he wants to ask, but she’s shocked him. He was so sure she would want out. His expectations need some readjusting before he can speak around the hope that’s rising inside him.

****

He can’t keep from touching her when she looks this unsure. He scoots closer and puts his arm around her. She moves into him and he pulls her close, pressing a kiss to her head. 

****

Thank God. Thank  _ God. _

****

“Luka, I still don’t know how to do this, and I’m scared. I mean, I’m not ready to go home and break my lease and make everybody start calling me Mrs. Kovač, but…”

****

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. One step at a time.”

****

Luka means it, too, he’ll do anything, whatever it takes. For Abby. For his  _ wife.  _

****

She presses a kiss to his chest. For the first time that day, he smiles.

****  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Luka enjoy the last evening and day of their trip and anticipate and dread heading home in equal measure.

“See, this isn’t so bad.” Luka leans down to smile into his wife’s face as they sway together on the dance floor. _Wife._

 

“If you mean your dancing, well…”

 

He squeezes her side and she jumps as it tickles. 

 

“Just kidding.”

Rolling his eyes, he chuckles at the lie. “Yeah, sure.”

She pats his shoulder. “This IS nice. I thought you didn’t dance, though.”

“I don’t usually.” Dancing isn’t his best skill, he’s aware. Abby makes everything more fun. “Just with you,” he adds, and is rewarded with a soft smile.

Coming out with Susan and Chuck had been the right call. After their emotional talk on the observation deck, Abby seemed almost shy with him. His response probably wasn’t strong enough or something, and he’s kicking himself for that, but he was reeling. 

Abby _wants_ this. He’s been telling himself for the past two years, give or take, that he was wrong, that all the signs she wanted him couldn’t have been, since she ran so hard in the opposite direction. It’s taking some doing to wrap his mind around the fact that he was right all along.

They got sandwiches and tried to talk over the things they needed to discuss, but didn’t get very far. He’d been too prepared for any other outcome. The practicalities of building a life together were a bit beyond him right then. Unexpectedly wonderful, but also shocking. Getting what he wants isn’t something he’s used to.

Abby nuzzles against his chest then, bringing him back to the present. He hopes he never gets too used to it to appreciate it.

“I was thinking. I want to wear a ring, even if you don’t want to. Is that okay?”

She laughs a little as she looks up at him. “Am I okay with letting other women know you’re taken?”

Luka’s stomach swoops at the tiny possessive glint he sees in her eyes, though she is indeed joking. Hell yes, he’s taken. Truly, his heart has been taken for a long time, but now he can tell the world. He swipes his thumbs over her hip bones and feels her shiver. 

“I’m yours either way,” he says into her hair, next to her ear and she shivers again, making him wish they were alone. The sleep he needs can wait, he can probably conjure up enough energy to respond properly to that.

“I’ll wear one too. Simple, though, a nice gold band.”

His stomach swoops again, only this time it’s with delight. Abby wearing his ring, Abby telling the world she’s his—perfect. He kisses the top of her head.

A song later, she pulls him off the floor and he gladly follows, hand in hers. 

The bar is crowded, and someone has taken their fourth seat when they reach the table where Chuck and Susan are. They pause for a second before Luka grabs the third and sits, grateful that someone took the other chair. He puts his hand on Abby’s hip and she moves to perch on his lap, slipping an arm around his shoulders. He rubs his hand up and down her thigh.

“Did you finally get sick of my dancing?” 

She grins, her face close to his. “No such luck, sorry, I’m just thirsty.”

He kisses her cheek and revels in the smell and feel of her.

Until Susan cuts in. 

“You two really can’t keep your hands off each other. Were you like this before or is this a newlywed thing?”

Luka feels Abby pull away from him and he glares at Susan. Then he realizes Susan’s tipsy and well on her way to drunk, as is Chuck.

To his surprise, Abby answers anyway. “I guess we weren’t quite like we are now, the first time, were we?” 

He shrugs, not having thought much of it beyond how much he enjoys touching her again and the fact that she reciprocates and touches him as much in return. Of course, she might not now that it’s been pointed out, thanks to Susan for that. 

She must already be drunk, because she keeps talking. “If I had seen you guys like you are now, I would’ve seen the difference with Carter sooner.”

Luka can’t help but flinch a little. He’s going to have to get used to that. Susan is at least their friend and has watched them fall back together. The others at County probably won’t be so nice about it. Especially not after how he’s acted the past few months, for however long Abby and Carter were together. So, ages.

Abby must sense his mood shift, because her fingers run through his hair in a soothing gesture. She’s watching him closely, so he tries to smile and let it go. After all, Susan is comparing him with Abby favorably to Carter with Abby. But despite all the choices she’s made lately that show she wants him, it still hurts him to think of her with him.

His wife (his _wife,_ he reminds himself, she _married him,_ he should be beyond this) clears her throat. 

“Speaking of County and Carter, could you do us a favor and—“

“Keep my mouth shut? Of course.”

Chuck chimes in then with a laugh. “Maybe remind her tomorrow, though.”

Abby shakes her head. “No, actually. Can you mention it to somebody, you know, put it on the grapevine? I don’t want you to have to tell Carter, but it would be better than springing it on him when we show up married.”

Susan thinks it over. “Sure, I can do that. I’ll call the main desk, Frank and Jerry are better than any news outlet.”

“Thanks,” Abby says. 

The server interrupts then, and they all give their orders. He watches Abby as Susan and Chuck order more alcohol and she orders water. She looks okay, but he orders a Coke anyway. She does frown a bit then, but he remembers how Carter had reacted to him drinking with her, and he’s NOT going to make this harder on her. Carter was wrong, he hadn’t known, but that makes the remembrance sting more. He should have known. He tries to shove it down.

After a little more dancing, Abby decides they should call it a night when Susan and Chuck leave.

“Susan was falling asleep in her drink.” Abby laughs as they head out before turning serious. “You don’t have to avoid drinking for me.”

Luka hesitates, knowing he might piss her off no matter how he puts it. “Yes, I do. At least for now.”

Her frown at him deepens when he doesn’t elaborate. “No, you don’t. I don’t want you to have to. To give anything up for me.”

He pulls her to the side of the hallway to let the flow of people pass them. “Look, not drinking sometimes so that I can help you be healthy isn’t a sacrifice. If it is, it’s still my choice. Okay?”

There’s fight in her eyes, but she’s unable to argue with that logic. “If you change your mind or it bothers you, you have to tell me, okay?”

Luka refrains from rolling his eyes, barely. “Okay.”

On the elevator ride, she slumps against his side and he tightens his arm around her.

“About what Susan said, why do you think that is?”

He looks down to find her blushing. “Why you can’t keep your hands off me? It’s because I’m so charming.”

The eye roll and swat to his chest can’t hide her giggle. “And vice versa.”

“I don’t know.” Does Abby even know how often he wants to touch her and doesn’t, even now? Two years of not touching her took their toll.

She’s still looking at him expectantly, so he’s not off the hook. 

“I guess now that I’m allowed to touch you again, I can’t stop.”

Sadness crosses her face before she blinks and it’s gone. She buries her face against him.

“We’ll have to stop at work.”

It comes out muffled, but he still hears and can’t help but question. Is it that she wants to be professional? Or because of Carter? It’s fine if she wants to avoid hurting him, but how far does that go? Shit, how long is it going to take him to stop that reflex of worrying about her with Carter? It’s getting on his own nerves.

“Weaver will definitely fire us both if she walks in on us doing it in the middle of an exam room.”

The relief makes him smirk. The idea does, too. It would certainly be a better memory than any other he has of the exam rooms. At least until the interruption.

“Might be worth it, though. I can’t touch you at all at work?” It comes out a little needy, damn.

“You can touch me, I can touch you, just keep it PG, hand-holding, hugs, that sort of thing. We aren’t very good at stopping once we, uh, get started.”

Luka snorts. “That’s true.” He lets himself drift off into thoughts of finding exactly where the starting line is as she unlocks their door and they step inside.

“Stop it.” She fusses as she kicks off her shoes. 

“Stop what?” 

“Stop planning to push it as far as you can before you get me started.”

“Aw, come on. You’re no fun,” he lies.

He changes into his pajama pants and plops down on the bed to watch her finish changing. Being with her at the end of the day, watching her get ready, it’s the little things like this that he’s missed most.

“You know, you were pretty rigid about not touching me these past couple years.”

What is that tone? Is she upset about that? Because she has to know why, she just said it: they aren’t good at stopping. And he didn’t think she wanted him to. If he had, he’d have done it, right or wrong.

“For the most part.”

Oh. Okay, then, he’s in trouble for the opposite, the couple of times he slipped. Shit. 

She goes into the bathroom and he can hear her puttering around in there, washing her face and getting ready for bed. He takes his turn after her and comes out to her sitting up against her pillows. Time to face the music.

“Listen, about Christmas, I shouldn’t have—well. I’m sorry.”

He feels nauseated thinking of that night, and all the other terrible things that happened the next day. 

But all Abby says is “You remember it now?”

“Yeah. Until you asked, I thought the fuzzy pieces I did remember were just, uh,” he waves his hand. “My imagination. After that, it came back to me bit by bit and, uh, just, I’m sorry.” He’d spent enough time thinking of all the things he wanted to say to her, not planning to do it, and then he’d drunkenly mucked it up.

“I’m not mad at you, Luka. What you said, you were right. I never let myself examine whether or not I was happy until then. I mean, I just thought Carter was stable, so, close enough.”

It pains him that she’s known so little happiness that she can’t recognize the absence of it. He may have lost his once, but at least he can recognize it for what it is. Even if it took him a little too long to accept it. 

Climbing under the covers, he scoots next to her. “I’m still sorry I touched you like that, without permission. I mean, I knew you would never have, um.” He trails off, because none of what his drink-addled brain wanted had been right or even defensible then. Or his sober brain, either, but his drunk self had decided to act on it. What did he expect would happen? That she’d kiss him on the spot, damn Carter and all, without regrets? That isn’t who Abby is.

But at least part of him hoped she’d feel the strength of that same pull he felt toward her and do it anyway.

Wow, he’s an idiot.

“Luka, it’s not like you groped me or anything. I took it as you being drunk and not knowing what you were doing.”

That’s worse, somehow, than her thinking he was trying to get her to cheat or dump Carter on the spot. She thought she was what, just the nearest warm body? 

“But I, uh, after what you said that night and how you were, I guess it got me thinking. I thought you should know that.”

He looks at her then and sees that she’s flushed. That night has hurt him ever since, even when he knew he shouldn’t feel rejected, not when she was in a relationship. He thought he had lost her forever, that he’d failed. But even though she didn’t do anything about it, she felt it when he touched her. He can see it on her face.

They stare at each other for a minute before she yawns and turns to cut off her lamp. They both scoot to lie down in the dark and automatically move toward each other. The feel of her in his arms with her hair spread over his chest soothes over all that hurt enough that he can believe one day, maybe one day soon if he doesn’t screw it up, it will heal over completely. 

There’s still a nagging question he has to ask, though.

“What about now? Are you happy?”

Stable isn’t the word for the two of them, though his love for her isn’t going anywhere. It’s understandable if she doesn’t feel secure yet, they haven’t even been back together for a week. Her sparkling eyes and laughter make her happiness seem obvious, but her fear is equally palpable, and he needs to know.

Abby shifts closer, sliding her hand up his arm and squeezing. “We’ve established that sometimes you know me better than I know myself, so, what do you think?”

Now that his eyes have adjusted, he can see her smile and how her eyes are crinkling even in the dark.

“I-I think you are.”

“Mmm. See, you’re smarter than you know, Dr. Kovač.”

He relaxes, finally, and starts to drift off, until she interrupts, slurring her words in her exhausted state.

“And Luka? I love my snow globe.”

He runs his hand up into her hair and kisses her head before drifting off, his heart warmed by the assurance that they are going to be just fine.

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
  
**

Abby is getting addicted to waking in Luka’s arms. It makes her realize how much she’s missed him. 

The service is nice. He stretches before getting up and heading to the coffee pot.

The view isn’t bad either. She takes him in, eyes droopy from sleep and one hand rubbing across his stubble. Too bad he hates it, it’s pretty even if it is scratchy. Yeah, she could get used to this.

“What?” He asks, and her face heats both at being caught and the gravel in his voice. “You’re smiling. Am I turning you into a morning person?”

She scoffs at that, knowing the smile she can’t seem to get off her face belies it. “It’ll never happen.”

“Eh, I’ll convince you.”

She shakes her head, though a part of her wonders. If he keeps bringing her too strong coffee in bed like a saint and looking like that and waking her up like he did a couple days ago (not at ALL like a saint), she might cave.

He passes her her cup as he sits back next to her. “What do you want to do with our last day?”

Their flight isn’t until 8 PM, so they have most of the day. Really, Abby would prefer to stay in bed with him all day, but she also doesn’t want to waste the last of the warm sunshine they might not see for a while longer back home.

“How about breakfast and then the pool?”

His face lights up. “Then back here?” He trails his fingers under the strap of her tank and lightly across her shoulder. 

She winks at him wickedly and nods. She’s been looking forward to getting him revved up and letting him rip off her bikini as much as he has.

Later, she finds out he meant ‘rip’ literally.

Afterward, she stares at her bikini bottoms, now lying on the floor in two pieces, and feels like she ought to be angry. She can’t quite muster it up.

Luka comes back from the bathroom and follows her stare, then winces. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

“I liked _that_ one.”

“Yeah, me too, a little too much.” He chuckles before sliding behind her and wrapping his arms around her. “Are you mad?”

“No. Take it easy on the next one, though. We don’t want to keep buying them constantly.”

“Worth it if we had to,” he says through a grin she can hear.

A Luka this cheerful is indeed worth the death of a swimsuit she rarely has a chance to wear.

Luka’s hands start to roam again, sliding along her sides and legs, up her back. Not trying to start something again, it’s more reverent and loving, but she wonders if he’s aware of just how much fire he stokes with that. His hands might be the death of her. Or his mouth. Or all of him.

Wow, she’s _really_ gone. It should frighten her, but she’s too content and warm and satisfied to bother feeling afraid at the moment. 

His fingers weave through her own. “We have some time, can we get our rings before we go?”

Abby turns to look at him in surprise. “We don’t have a lot of time, we still have to shower and pack and eat dinner.” 

The almost wounded look in his eyes makes her wish she’d instantly agreed. “I mean, is there even a jewelry store nearby? Can we do it that quickly?”

He hesitates before responding. “There’s one in the shopping court. But if you don’t want to do it now, that’s fine.”

“I want to.” Honestly, it does scare her a little to think of a ring on her finger again, but that’s more about Richard and her past than it is about Luka, and she’d do almost anything to wipe the pain off his face.

The look in his eyes when the rings are in their rightful place on both their fingers warms her down to her toes. So does the overly enthusiastic kiss he gives her then. Luka halfheartedly apologizes to the clerk after, but he shrugs and chuckles as if it happens all the time.

It’s surreal to walk back through the doors of the airport. Not quite a week ago, she’d walked out, unsure if she and Luka would be able to restore their friendship. Now, she’s walking back in as his wife.

Susan catches her eye and Abby recognizes that she is thinking along the same lines with Chuck at her side, and they both crack up. What a turn of events, for all of them.

“Uh-oh,” Susan says when they arrive at their gate. Chuck snorts loudly and Abby is torn between punching him and laughing again herself.

The flight attendant from before, the one who switched Luka’s seat and then couldn’t leave him alone, is the one manning the desk.

“At least you might get that seat upgrade.” Chuck is still laughing, despite Luka’s embarrassment.

“She won’t upgrade Abby with him, though. She already snubbed her just for talking to him.”

“She did?” 

“Yeah,” Abby answers reluctantly. “She gave me broken headphones and told me they were out of peanuts.”

Luka’s disgruntled expression makes her chuckle. “It doesn’t matter. I fit in coach just fine, and we just had dinner. I’m alright.

“I already upgraded our seats. I called while you were in the shower.”

“How did you upgrade my ticket?”

“Your ticket was on the table, I gave them your confirmation number and told them I was your husband. Is that not okay?”

“It’s okay.” It feels a bit presumptuous, but it shouldn’t. They had already agreed to upgrade and sit together. “It doesn’t seem like a very secure thing for the airline to do.”

Their time spent waiting is tense and Abby tries to shake it off. The trip, their reunion, their marriage, it’s all been this sort of escapist fantasy. Now that they’re heading back to their everyday lives, this will be the real test.

Hopefully they’re up to it.

They board without much incident, though Abby does get some dark side-eye from the flight attendant (Nicole, her name tag declares, and Abby almost snorts at that) as she confirms their new seat assignments. She tries to ignore it, she remembers what it was like to want Luka while he was—sort of—with someone else. 

Luka loves her, she knows, even though he hasn’t said. She’s not worried, it’s more amusing than anything. She’s well aware of how his looks and kind nature affect women.

That is, until they’re seated in business class, enjoying their flight, and she spills Abby’s drink on purpose. Fortunately, it mostly hits the tray, and Luka helps her mop it up quickly. Abby decides then that maybe a tiny bit of cattiness is in order.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ll go get you another.” The insincerity would be more amusing if Abby’s wrist weren’t soaked.

“Oh, no thanks, that isn’t necessary. I’ll share with my husband.” Reaching across, she lays her left hand on his forearm, neatly displaying her wedding ring.

Abby sincerely hopes they don’t have any genuine needs the rest of the flight, as she watches her sputter and then move on with a red face.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers to Luka, “she just—mmph.”

Her husband’s mouth cuts her off and she starts to sink into the kiss before he pulls away. 

“Say it again,” he demands, eyes scorching as he stares at her with his hands on her cheeks.

Say what? “What, call you ‘my husband’?”

He kisses her again, and she almost forgets where they are, until a young guy behind them coughs and gives them a dirty look. He looks hungover (as do most of the other passengers to be fair), and she shrugs in a sort of apology without really meaning it.

Luka bends down to speak into her ear. “You say that again, and I might have to take you to the bathroom and join the Mile High Club.”

Despite all the obvious problems with that idea, for a second he has her considering it. But hangover guy is still giving her the stink-eye, and that helps cool her libido.

“I can’t even imagine how you fit in there by yourself, much less trying to fit me in there too and do anything.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He actually looks disappointed. It thrills her that he wants her so badly that he can’t get enough. Not quite enough to do it in a nasty airplane bathroom, however.

“I think I can wait until we’re in bed tonight.”

He perks up. “You’re staying with me tonight?”

“I mean, if that’s okay.”

“Of course, we just didn’t settle any of that. Of course I want you with me. Or we can stay at yours. I wasn’t sure, you said you didn’t want to give up your place.”

It’s true, giving up her apartment seems extreme after a week, but so is marriage. “I’m not ready to give it up yet, but I don’t really want to be apart every night.” 

Or _any_ night, for that matter, but they’re still in that phase where it’s mostly giddy talking and sex. And that’s great, to understate it, but what about when they fight? What if, God forbid, what if her brother or mother or _both_ show up and expect to stay with them?

Yeah, no. She needs to keep her place. 

“What if we, for now, for the foreseeable future, plan to stay together at either place?”

His eyes close for a second before he beams at her and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sounds perfect, moja žena.”

He kisses her cheek and pulls her to lean against his shoulder. 

“What’s mo—“ yeah, she’s not going to attempt the pronunciation without coaching. “What’s that mean?”

She can hear him smiling. “My wife,” he says, taking her hand in his own. 

There’s a moment of insecurity, when she feels like he’s talking about Danijela, but when she looks back at him, she sees such love and desire for _her_ that she understands his earlier reaction and leans up to kiss him.

They bask for a while, cuddling and resting, comfortable without words. Luka finally breaks the silence. 

“You ready for work tomorrow? You work at noon, right?”

The thought of their coworkers and all the questions and prodding and the like awaiting them makes her sigh with dread. As well as work itself. She likes her job okay, but it’s still work. It’s been nice to smell pleasant smells this week more than not. “As ready as I’ll ever be. You?”

“I’m on at noon, too.”

She lays her head back on his chest. At least they’ll be in it together.

**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luka and Abby head back to work to face the music.

“I think I drank too much of your coffee. I feel all jittery.” Abby bounces as they drive to work. She needed it, though, after their late flight and their following activities.

 

“I think that’s the nerves.” Luka gives her a pointed look and she caves. There’s no point in hiding it, she just doesn’t want Luka to think it’s about him.

 

“What are you nervous about? They’re going to give us a hard time and make some jokes, but nothing horrible is going to happen.”

 

“Carter is going to make jokes?” She hates the way his jaw clenches at that, but they’re about to see him. They might as well be open about the real problem. 

 

“We don’t even know if he’s on today.”

 

There’s little chance he isn’t. They can’t keep having great luck. “Okay, but if he is and if he’s a jerk about us, please don’t fight him.”

 

“I’m not going to fight him!” Luka says it like he’s been a pacifist all his life and she can’t help but scoff. 

 

Carter has an infuriating ability to pick at Luka’s most vulnerable spots and then act like Luka’s the aggressor when he eventually reacts. Granted, he hasn’t in the past year, but Abby’s pretty sure that’s because he felt he had “won”, though maybe that's uncharitable. The Carter she spoke to on the phone the other day, however, probably isn’t going to be a peach about this. She can’t totally blame him. If the tables were turned and he’d married someone else a month after they broke up, it would hurt, even though she’s over him. Hopefully, he won’t take out any upset on Luka.

 

“I’m not saying it’s your fault! But I still don’t want you punching anyone over me.”

 

Luka grumbles as he parks and they climb out. “Fine, no punching.” 

 

Okay, now she feels guilty, even if the warning is warranted. She doesn’t want to be the source of any more trouble for him at work. His face is also very nice the way it is.

 

She hugs him around the waist and smirks up at him. “Not unless he  _ really  _ deserves it.”

 

Chuckling, he puts his arm around her, squeezing her to his side. “Okay.” He smiles down at her and she knows she’s staring back at him like a dopey idiot. 

 

They’re moving through the doors before she registers that they’re in the ambulance bay. Wow, yeah, there’s the familiar smell of home. Joy.

 

Luka lets his arm drop and she both hates it and is relieved. Glancing around wildly, she’s pleased not to see Carter, though she does see Malik and Connie gawking at the two of them before getting back to work.

 

“Ah, it’s the honeymooners. Assuming you’re still married.” 

 

“Hello to you too, Frank. Who’s on?”

 

“I’d tell you, but what you mean is who’s not on. Carter’s off today. Probably licking his wounds.” 

 

Irritation wells up in her, but she bites her tongue and follows Luka to the lounge. She wishes everybody would make up their damn minds which thing they’re mad at her for, since they’ve been mad at her all year for not fixing Luka. Carter broke up with her, even if it was mostly mutual. It’s not like she’s some femme fatale who stomped on his heart as she carelessly left him for another man.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Luka says, rubbing her shoulders lightly before helping her out of her jacket. “We knew it would be like this.”

 

“I know.” At least they don’t have to face Carter yet. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

 

Since Chen and Romano are the other ones on, it goes mostly okay. Romano, of course, seems to ignore the news until he makes a snide remark about it in passing, but Abby’s gotten pretty good at tuning out anything from his petty mouth aside from medical orders.

 

Jing-Mei brings it up after they send a kid from an MVA up to surgery for a splenectomy. “Congratulations, by the way.”

 

“Thanks. How are you feeling?”

 

“All better now, thanks. You and Luka owe me one.”

 

“Ha, yeah, I guess we do.”

 

“You’ll have to tell me about it sometime. I haven’t seen Luka this happy in forever. Maybe ever.”

 

“Yeah?” They’ve hardly seen each other, even in passing. It’s pathetic, but she misses him. Chen grins at her, but gets interrupted then by Haleh, who winks before leading Chen away.

 

At seven, Susan comes on, Romano leaves, and all the people say amen. Chuny also shows up, squeals when she sees Abby, and gives her the hug of her life. Which is, well, it’s a Chuny thing to do, but bizarre, considering that she had that hookup and fight with Abby’s new husband less than a year ago. Abby sure isn’t going to bring that up. 

 

“Girl, I’m so happy for you! You have to tell me all about it!”

 

It occurs to Abby then that Susan probably doesn't want the whole story told. Not that she’s giving the nitty-gritty details anyway, but she doesn’t really have a way to explain why they were at the chapel without outing Susan’s almost-wedding.

 

She mumbles something vaguely grateful and noncommittal before rushing off to check on an “urgent” patient.

 

A little while later, she’s helping Susan cast a boy’s broken arm. 

 

“You know, your husband’s walking around here looking like he won the lottery. How about you? Going through withdrawal?” 

 

Abby rolls her eyes but then admits, “Maybe a little. How about you with Chuck?”

 

“Nah, it’s probably good for me to get some time by myself. Don't get me wrong, Chuck is great, but he’s also a lot. We’ve got a date tomorrow night, though.”

 

“That’s nice.” 

 

Susan’s sparkle from their trip hasn’t dimmed yet, she’s glad to see.

 

“Hey, speaking of Chuck, I’m guessing you want us to keep that part of the wedding story quiet?”

 

“Oh yeah. Please do. I mean, I’m sure they’re giving you a hard enough time as it is, and Luka’s no stranger.”

 

They both head out to the hall after stripping off their trauma gowns and gloves.

 

“It hasn’t been as bad as I thought. Frank said something and Romano, but that’s it.”

 

She doesn’t mention Carter, but she doesn’t need to.

 

“That’s good,” is all Susan says, though her eyes say she's thinking of Carter too and not at all sure that’s going to be so easy. Abby’s glad she doesn’t voice it, because what can she say?

  
  


 

 

As they finally take their leave, she leans heavily on Luka. “I forgot what well-rested felt like. Now I need a vacation after one day of work.”

 

“How was your day? I barely saw you.” He kisses her head and tightens his arm around her.

 

“It was fine. Long and busy of course. Everybody was nicer than I thought. Well, not Frank or Romano, but that’s a given. How about you?”

 

“It was weird.”

 

“Oh, yeah, I heard about the guy from the MVA who thought he lost his kids, but he didn’t?

 

“The way he talked about them, they sounded so real. I almost still believe they are.”

 

They reach the car then, and Abby squeezes his hand as soon as they’re buckled. He shakes off his reverie and squeezes back before starting the car.

 

“Oh, I got a phone call from Croatia. A friend of mine from medical school has a patient she needs help with—post shunt tetralogy with pulmonary atresia. He’s outgrowing the shunts.”

 

Abby winces. “So, he needs surgery, but why would they call you?”

 

“Nobody does it in Croatia or close by. She wants me to help get him here to do it.”

 

“Wow. How would that work?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m going to talk to Corday tomorrow and see if she knows anything.”

 

“You should probably talk to Weaver too.”

 

“I’m hoping to have somebody else on my side first.”

 

“Not that it helps with the surgery, but I’m on your side.”

 

He glances over to give her a beautiful smile before looking back at the road. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

Luka locks the door behind him and hangs both their coats up, tossing the keys on the table. “What do you want to do?”

 

“Food, shower, and bed, in that order. I’m beat.”

 

The answering machine is blinking that they have messages, but he leaves it in favor of pizza first. They really need to go shopping, but it’s not happening tonight. It’s late and they’re both exhausted.

 

They eat in lazy silence. Abby finishes up her second piece before heading to the stairs. “Are you coming?”

 

“I’m going to listen to the messages, then I’ll come join you in there, if that’s alright.”

 

“Of course.” She smirks. “If you try any funny business, though, I’m warning you now, I’m going to fall asleep on you.”

 

“Who me?” He raises his hands in innocence and watches her go, shaking her head. 

 

It’s so right having Abby here. She fits perfectly, and the apartment feels so much fuller. Like it's a real home rather than a cave to hide away from the world. He knew all along that it was her absence that made it feel so empty, but her being here drives it home even more.  The water turns on upstairs and it makes him grin like a fool.

 

The first message is from his father, calling to check on him. His heart squeezes as he hears the worry for him, even in the short message. He’s been such a mess that his family can tell, even from thousands of miles away. At least when he calls his father back, he can give him good news this time. A Vegas wedding wouldn’t be reassuring to most parents, especially not with how he’s been lately, but it’s Abby. His father knows how he feels about her.

 

Luka’s so happy. It's not perfect, though, and he doesn't expect it to be. Work today, even with Abby’s ring on his finger, still felt empty. Pointless. That “father” and the children he’d dreamed up in his state had really hit Luka hard. He’d felt his pain and worry like they were his own. Shaking it off, he presses the button for the next message. Maybe he can get some help for Gordana’s patient and do some actual good for someone.

 

The next is from the Alliance du Medicins, and it’s confusing.

 

It’s still on his mind as he undresses and puts his clothes away in the hamper before heading to the bathroom to hop in the shower with Abby. She slumps against him and he wraps his arms around her warmth.

 

“Can you even stand up long enough for me to shower?”

 

“Barely.”

 

He moves to wash his hair quickly. 

 

Abby yawns. “Any important messages?”

 

“Yeah, uh, the Alliance called. Some other doctor decided to go early, so they don’t need me as soon. That’s better, right?”

 

“Yes,” her eyes close in relief as she sighs and wraps her arms around him. Luka wishes he felt the same. He is relieved, of course, not to leave Abby right now. He wants them, and her, to be more solid before he goes. But he is still looking forward to going. He won’t tell her, because she’ll take it the wrong way, but it’s still the truth, even though he knows he’ll miss her like his right hand. It's something he needs to do.

 

“My father called too, checking up. I need to call him back tomorrow and tell him about us.”

 

His heart thumps hard as he feels her tense against his chest. Shit, she doesn’t want him to keep it a secret, does she?

 

“Is that okay?”

 

“Oh, yeah, of course, I just realized I have to tell Maggie. At some point.”

 

Ah. Yes. That should be interesting.

 

“That’s up to you.” It sounds like Abby would prefer to wait and spring it on her whenever she inevitably shows up in person. Which sounds like a terrible idea, but he’s not touching it this time. They have to talk about it, he knows, but not now when they’re so tired. There are enough problems between the two of them for years of talks. There’s no need to confront them all at once.

 

“Will your dad be upset?”

 

He shuts off the water and reaches out to pass Abby a towel.

 

“About missing the wedding? Maybe a little.”

 

She finishes drying and wraps the towel around herself before looking at him. “No, I mean, about me.”

 

“Are you kidding? My father already loves you without even meeting you.”

 

They brush their teeth together, and he has to fight the urge to stare at her in the mirror. Does she really not get it?

 

They’re finally pulling on their pajamas when she continues. “I thought he might hate me, you know, from before.”

 

He almost gives her an incredulous look before he remembers that she’s never met his father. She hardly knows anything about him, as strange as that is, and that’s his own fault. 

 

“No, Abby. The only time he’s really seen me happy since,” he gulps and makes himself say it instead of brushing past it. “Since Danijela and the kids, was when we were together. He’ll be thrilled. Hell, even if he  _ was _ mad at you before, he’d still be happy because I’m happy.”

 

The lamp next to her flicks off. He crawls in beside her, relishing the way she curls against him as soon as he lies down. 

 

“And you _are_ happy?”

 

This time, he almost laughs. No, he’s not magically fixed and all his problems haven’t all blown away with their marriage, but seriously? There’s one thing in this world that he truly needs, and he’s got her. Anyone could probably see how happy he was. Even Romano noticed, even if the way he said so was to tell him to knock off the grinning because it was freaking out the patients.

 

The phone ringing interrupts his answer. “No, don’t,” he stopped Abby from moving to answer. “If it’s the hospital and it’s important, they’ll page. Anything else can wait.”

 

He pulls her in tight to look her in the eyes in the dark. “And god, YES, I’m happy, Abby. So damn happy.” He wants to say more, but he can’t. The right words aren’t even there in his native language, much less in English, to tell her all she means to him. But she hums in contentment and lifts up to give him a soft kiss goodnight, so he stops trying to find them. Abby gets it.

  
  


* * *

 

Downstairs, the answering machine beeps. “Hey, Luka. It’s Carter. I’m calling because I—I have to get out of here and I’m going to the Congo. I think I probably took your spot. I would say I’m sorry, but I think it’s probably best for all of us if I get away for awhile. I left a letter for Abby at work. I know you probably hate that, but could you tell her to read it? I guess maybe I’ll see you there, maybe not until I get back, whenever that is. Anyway, I’d say congratulations, but we’d all know I don’t really mean it, so...later.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile! Real life has been kicking my butt, but I'm trying to get back to this and wrap it up. Please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Please yell at/with me here or on tumblr (somekindofflowergirl). Thanks for reading!


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